Slacker with a Blackberry Pearl

Ok yes, that's me. I am a big slacker. So sorry. But I honestly feel like I have no time in the day!
But um...big updates on us....Brent turns 26 tomorrow. Yeah! Which honestly is scary because that means my ever dooming 25th birthday is right around the corner! eeek! But ok, here is my one rant
For Brents birthday, I wanted to make sure I got him a really good gift. So I asked him what he wanted. I asked specifically. And I finally came up with the idea of a phone. So I asked him. Brent what kind of a phone would you want if you got a phone for your birthday. He said Blackberry Pearl. So I went to Alltell and got him a blackberry pearl. Well as soon as he seen it, he started biting his nails and his skin. I could tell the anxiety was over coming him. Then he asked me how much it was. I told him. And he like turned pale. And he realy starting chewing on his hands. So needless to say, and to withhold all of our "discussion", he wants to return it today. I am so mad because Brent always sacrifices for us, and he ALWAYS gets the cheap ass phones so I could get the phone I want. So I really wanted to do this for him. AND to top it all off, it wasnt even his turn to get a new phone!!! According to our contract, I was the one to get the new phone! so I got the phone and put it in his number!!!!! Gosh I am a good wife, and yet he is still returning the Blackberry pearl. Sigh.

Adoption Meeting

Tonight we had an adoption meeting for Devon. It is so nice to have something like "final". Granted, there is so much about this that is not final. Like I would like a set date of the finalization. Right now its like July or August or September (I know...such a broad range..). Then we can change his name and get him baptized. Ideally we would love to baptize him during the week of court because then all the family from Dickinson and elsewhere can come up and stay up. But whatever. Again, rollercoasters. At least this is a "high" on it. But it's all this uncertainty. Ah well. We are adopting our big boy!!!

oh the life of a mother

I am tired. I am very tired and my back freaking kills. Like seriously. And I cant make an appointment because drop in child care cant take kids under 12 months, and hello! Anthony is 6 months. Brent could take a long lunch and take the boys, but he hasnt really given me a definant date. Stupid Chiropractors! They know how to use me. Grrr. I bet him and my back have this like deal going on. Oh Amy hasnt been in to see me in a few months. *cRiNk* Lets go in!!
grrrrr.
On the positive side.....I got a bunch of my flowers planted and my rock laid down in the front for my planting bed or whatever its called!! Woohoo!! Go me! Miss Green Thumb!!! Oh, and a side note, the flowers I planted, I ordered 1/4 of them from freeplants.com, the other chunk I got as bulbs, and now they are blossomed Hostas, and the other chunk......well....thanks Menards! hahaha. Come check out our house! The grass is mowed and everything! woohoo!
now to ice my back...........

Doing what a mom does

So the worst thing ever in my mommy history happened last night.
Anthony rolled out of his stroller. I know. Terrible. But to not point the blame on me...it was brents fault. Ok heres the story,Devon and I were outside and we were attempting (very badly, I might add), to add rock by our patio stones where we drive in. So Anthony was in his car seat all day long, so I just strapped him in the stroller really nice and tight. He was enjoying it. Brent comes home and plays with him, and yells at me for doing the project all wrong. Well he goes inside to change to "help" (read into this, make me feel like crap and critize all the work I did, and I only started it as a surprise to him to have it all done!! grrr). Well I am trying to move around the sand when I hear this noise. I am not even sure what it was, but I looked and see Anthony on the ground. I am like what the heck?!?!?!?!?!? I run over (he was like 10 ft behind me), and he starts crying. I look at his stroller thinking NO WAY could he have rolled out of it! Its a 5 point harness!!! It was unstrapped. Then I got mad. I got really mad. I am trying to comfort my baby, and I was going to storm in the house yelling at brent, but realized, maybe Devon un did it! But then rethought that. The kid cant even open the door when we want him to, let alone a 5 point harness. I run upstairs with my crying baby in my arms and ask brent did you undo the stroller? He goes yah! He cant roll out. Its like a play pen! I go WHAT!? HE ROLLED OUT!!! So yah. Brent learned a very important lesson of why I always strap our rolly polly kiddo into everything now. But, I guess it wont be the last time Anthony will fall. Both literally and metaphorically. I will just do what I can do best, be a mom, and pick him up everytime.

Oh the rollercoaster never ends.....

Ok beware, opinionated post...
So as most of my readers know, Brent and I struggled through infertility since the day we were married. It was a flippin rollercoaster. We went to thinking, oh next month, oh my gosh I could be!! Then oh shit. Start over again. Every single month for about 3 years we did this. A lot of people in the world go through a lot more years than that, but having kids is something I have wanted since I found out women could carry bellies in their bellies. Even then, I didnt know how they got there, just the fact I wanted a baby in my belly and I was going to be a mom. With or without a husband. Anyway, so this was a very big deal for me, and us. Brent was a lot more layed back, but it still was crazy for him. Then it even would get crazier because then I would be on more medication to help get pregnant. Then the procedures. It even got to the point where I was thinking, if this cycle didnt work I would die. I loathed other pregnant people. I looked at them and wished them death. I would hear about a pregnancy, and say oh. I hope they miscarry or say some other God aweful thing. I should be in hell by now because of all my thoughts and outbursts. It even came to a point where our marriage was in Jeopardy. But gosh, that rollecoaster. Every month. Every cycle. Every procedure.
Fost care was my "medicine" to fix that. I was feling sick; literally, mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, and, hell, financially! I thought in foster care that I would get a kid, and be happier than day lights and have no issues. With Devon we actually got REALLY lucky. We didnt wait long. And because of his case, he was already up for adoption, so there were no downs with him, that I knew of. But then came the downers of attachment. This kid was 3 years old. Remembered his past, remembered his old home, and still talked about it. He wasn't running to me open armed screaming mommy. When we would go places, he would latch on to any stranger because he didn't know differently. He wouldnt ever come back to mommy and daddy. He was my little "mommys boy" that I had been dreaming and praying for. Finally things are coming around. Ironically, I think I was unattached too at the beginning. I love this kid more than anything, but it really hadnt sinked in that he was MY kid until just not that long ago. i am so proud of his leaps and bounds he has made, its amazing. I am so in love with my kid. Now it honestly feels like we have had him since the day he grew in my belly.
Now with Anthony, it's such a high to have a baby. We are his parents that he will remember we are his everything. He is so dependant on us. I couldnt be happier. But then because it is foster care, certain things and certain people can keep trying to fight for him back. Our social worker says there is little chance of it happening, but again....it's not 100%. I am on a damn rollercoaster again!!! One day I get an update and I am freaking out, the next, I am elated because it keeps ensuring I can keep my son. Talking with the boy's social worker, it basically like, I need to sit back and let the peoplewhogavebirthandprovidedtheirspemsampletomyson keep making their mistakes. And while I dont want to get too much into it, but I feel horrible everyday wishing that they would just give up on their son and let him be ours, or keeping making their mistakes. Their misery is my happiness. Is that right? At this point, it's almost like I dont care. I have my family now. Thank you people who messed up. It is a horrible thing to admit. But that is how foster care works. Now yes, I know some people clean up and get their kids back. That is awesome. Good for them! I wish they all could do that.....but I dont either. I know 2 really good friends who have struggled through infertility for many many years. And they have the cutest kids ever. Thanks to other people. They are so happy, and they have their family.
What is my plan for the future you may ask? After anthony's adoption is done....we are out. We are out of the system. As much as I love getting my boys, and I really really want a big family. This rollercoaster is so trying on us. It sucks. We will never give up biologically having kids. We have 3 babies on ice now, so one day we will transfer those. We also are looking into the creighton method. Hopefully they can "cure" me.
But until the day when I am finally done having kids, a rollercoaster we/I ride. And I shall stay on. And then I will be on a different one because my kids are going to drive me bonkers and crazy and all over the place!Lord, save me now!!!

Vacation...cont.....

Ok, so I got crap from my mother and my father...yes...they did help me A LOT! My dad did carry my two boys around a lot at the zoo and elsewhere. And he did an amazing job keeping Devon distracted and happy and pushing my seriously heavy stroller that everyone decided to dump their junk on because it WAS a double stroller around. Mom also helped with general helping out and watching my boys with dad while we all galavanted like kiddies at Nickelodeon Universe. hehe. Thank you thank you. I am forever indebted to you!!!

Ok now where did I leave off?? Who knows. Who cares. Anyway, it went amazingly. It's all I have to say. It was a lot of fun. I already cant wait for next year....hopefully I wont have another child thrown into the mix though!!! haha.

We survived!!!

Woohoo! Here we are at home again! Sadly, back to reality.
Vacation went amazingly well. It was so much fun. We went to the Zoo, the Mall of America, and did all its wonders (underwater world, Nickelodeon Universe, and of course shopping), Science Museum, and hung out at the hotel. Devon just loved everything. We took him to Build a Bear, where I think mom had a little bit more fun that devon did! haha. I was way too excited. He was just utterly amazed with everything at the Underwater World. It was so neat to see him so excited. I was very proud and tired by pushing my double stroller around everywhere. Brent had to stay at work for 2 of the 4 days for some work related issue, so here I was, lugging around 2 kids with my double stroller, trying to do it all by myself. Actually, my family was such a huge help...thanks Auntie Alison......but yah, I tried to do it mostly by myself. I loved it. It was hard, and I was glad Brent showed up on Thursday finally.
oh! Speaing of auntie.....guess who just walked into my house with ice cream!!!! Be back later to about the rest of vacation!!