I hate remodeling

Seriously. Some people think it is great and fine.....well thats why I hire people like you. maybe I was always so spoiled with my parents. They never did anything "themselves". I mean they hired contractors to do the work. Brent is all about doing things himself because that is what his family had to do.

My throat is so freaking sore. My back hurts. My nails....dont get me started......I looks ugly. The house is a mess. I hurt my foot on a fly away sand paper disk....so that left a LOVELY gash on my foot....I tripped over some totes upstairs because again...nothing can be put away yet. And to top it off....its only going to get worse before it gets better. We have to evacuate the entire upstairs to get our carpets done. So where do you think that all will go?????? yep downstairs......So I dont even think we will have room to move. Let alone sleep there for a night. grrrrrrrrrrr. Thank God brent and I are going away that weekend. I will need a weekend for rest and relaxing...and some...ya...you got that right!!
The only thing that sucks is coming back we are going to have to clean everything up. Which technically isnt so bad becaue I enjoy cleaning. I love it. it is just to survive this weekend and ocming week where the kitchen will hopefully be finished up. grrrrrrrrr. then it is cleaning time. I get a hair cut, get my nails done, get a new outfit or two, and I am set! hehe.

The Good, the bad, the ugly.......

The Good.....I GOT A JOB! I am a title 1 teacher! I am way pumped and way excited!!!!! I was scared at first, but honestly I am excited! Cant wait to have a school to go to everyday and to see and be with everyday! SAid school from previous....you are TRULY missing out!!!!!!!!!

The Bad......Gosh I am missing Simon and Isabella. My heart hurts. I know I will get over it....still. The floor in the kitchen (we are redoing it) is taking longer than thought. And all the dust is seriously hurting my lungs. Yes we wear masks, but I think the dust still finds it way into the other areas of the house. I worry about the boys because they are so coughing and icky green boogey noses. sigh

The Ugly......Well I got my period yesterday!!!! Yep! And you know what......I am happy! Truly I am. I feel like I had to do this one last attempt to try and get pregnant......and it didnt work, so I feel free. I honestly do. I hated how my body felt on Clomid. I hated timing sex. I hated being forced to time my body and figure it out. I just want to live and love and have sex on my own accord! hahaha. No for real. I am done. If I never get pregnant....I DONT CARE! I know weird. I bet you never ever ever thought of Amy Lynn H.avelka saying that!!! HAHAHAHA it's true.

Ok now to write in my book club....seroiously I have been neglecttive. And I so apologize!!! I looked at this months (oh jeez, actually it was last months technically) book, and I thought LAME! so I didnt want to read it, and I was dragging my feet....and finally I had no other books to read and so I went to the library to pick out other books....but they did not have them, so I was stuck renting....Water For Elephants. And oh my gosh....I finished the book in 2 days. I apologize for judging a book by its cover. Shame on me. Shame shame shame. As I teacher I should know better. But man it was good!!! Anyway, off I go! Everyone follow.....it is almost time to announce the new book of the month!! Come on........click on the tree to the right side......thats it....dont be scared.......come on!!!!!!

Oh Simon Chester and Isabella Mandrin........

my heart aches without you.
So yesterday we got rid of the dogs. To a really good nice home across the state from us. It's a 14 year old girl who I know will take great care of them and she is loving them already. I got picture texts last night of them already playing with the other dogs there. But I cant lie......I miss them. Gosh darn it I miss them. I hate not seeing them. I hate that they are not here.
But honestly I also LOVE that I can leave the bathroom door open. Not worry about diapers getting eaten. Not worry about simon and bella eating anthonys food.
Sigh.
I miss them. But I am happy. I know I will miss them for along time. There is nothing I can do about that. I love them so much.
At least thought we get to start cleaning our house. We are finishing the Kitchen floors this week. HALLELUIAH!!!! Then we are getting the rugs professionally steamed cleaned end of next week. (Aug 7th), then we will begin putting the house back together and totally cleaning it. From top to bottom. I have a check list. All the cupboars will be gone through. Everything wiped down. Everything cleaned. The after the top two floors are done, we are putting new carpet in the basement and move stuff back down there and get that organized. Then tidy up the garage. And by then school should start. So we have a lot of crap to do in one months time. But I figure if we focus even a day on each room, then we wont get so overwhelmed, and everything will be going smoothly. Then hopefully I can have a job, and then we can start looking for a new house! Yah that porbbaly wont happen until after christma.s But thats ok. I do love this house. I just wish it was bigger.
Anyway, off to church to beg God to stop Fing with my life and let me have a job already.

It's a crazy life for me......

lol.
Anyway, so to update on my life. I have applied for a couple of Para jobs in neighboring towns. Hopefully one of those will work out. They are not too terribly far away, but I dont know. It would be nice to flippin have a job here in GF. grrrr.
Beggars cant be choosers apparently.
Clomid Update! well I believe I have Ovulated on saturday. But I am not sure. I took Ovulation tests....but I had like DAYS of positive, which I am sure the clomid messed with. But I am thinking that when I looked back at the tests after they dried, a lot of them seemed negative. So I am going with a date of Saturday, also because I felt like crap and my Ovary felt huge and hurting that day. Will it work....probably not. I kind of dont care. Actually Brent and I are going out of town August 7-8 for our anniversary, and we are staying at a bed and breakfast, and I am so worried I am going to get my period during that time. So I am so hoping I get my period early enough. But if I did O on saturday, then I should be in the clear.
Also went to a foster care picnic last night. The head lady who is in charge of placing little ones said that she almost called me the other day for a little girl, and I said you should have! And she said we might have one for you, and I was like YES! Now whether she was just saying that.....I dont know. So we might have a third on the way. (oh yes, I actually remembered just now that I am techincally paper pregnant.....oops! lol. and here I am trying to get actually pregnant. What a mess! lol ) so we will see.
On another note, we put anthony on a big boy bed....and that is not going well at all. He wants his crib back badly......so needless to say, that might go back up tonight. lol. poor baby. mama just keeps taking things away from him. Maybe I kinda pushed the bed too much. But I honestly thought he would be ready. But the bed really scares him. who knows. He can still be my baby......until the next baby comes ;)

Cut Out

So I did it.....I sent an email to said principal of said school saying that D man will not be returning next year and to take me off the sub list........
It hurt. It was sad. I felt sad. He just responded with a sorry to hear that. I will let appropiate people know. If you ever change your mind, let us know. Which hurt even more. I dont know more I was expecting...but I was hoping he would ask me why or something. I dont know.
Last night dh asked me ...oh sorry I just realized I said dh...that means darling husband....which means brent. lol. "Amy...seriously, what are you going to do with your life next year"
and that kind of hurt.
I dont know what I am going to do. Thank God I am a cheer coach, so I have that going for me. I did apply for a school that i student taught at, so at least that could help me a bit. Brent knows some people who will talk to people so hopefully I can at least get in for an interview. My problem is that no one wants to hire me because I have no experience. How the hell do I get experience if no one will hire me. I suck. Sometimes I get sooo frustrated. I want a job so bad, and at that school I would have done anything. Literally anything for that school. I seriously wonder why God always does this to us. Why can we never ever get a break in life. Why cant I just....I dont know. I am happy. But.....it is hard to be happy when nothing is going right. First we cant have kids, now I cant get a job. If I dont get a job we cant get a bigger house which means no more kids. sigh. I am just frustrated. I seriously am. I just wish I knew what to do. I am even getting desperate to apply for llike preschool positions...which I really dont like or even apply to be a daycare lady.....which I wouldnt like even more. I just dont know what to do.

Waiting.....

So I am just waiting for the letter to let me know I suck at life and didnt get that second job at said school. Then I am planning my next move of attack. I am trying to go about it the most respectful and mature way possible. I dont want to burn bridges, but I dont want ot be walked on anymore. I need to take a stand and say I am not going to put up with this anymore and be there for you when it is convienant for you. So I wait.......

Clomid Update- on the brighter side of life....good news! It worked for me! Well only half way. lol.
I have a very good mature sized follie at 21. Then a bunch of tiny little ones. I am very happy and excited. Now our plan of attack......well attack eachother in the sheets for the next week and let "nature" take its course. Again I havent honestly thought much of this working or not working. I keep honestly thinking and "knowing" this isnt going to work. It isnt because why would anything work out for me. Expecially something I want so bad. But in the back of my mind, I hope and pray that this time is my time. At least I am not going crazy like I used to!!!

so we will just see!

I am SO over it

Literally I am.
If I do not get this second job...I will be pissed beyond imagine. Thank God I have amazing friends, because a friend called and said Hey! Why havent you called me with good news!!! So I told her. She got upset (she used to teach there with me in 5th grade). So she called called a mutual friend who was actually on the committee and didnt like come out and say anything, but kind of hinted around it. Well Mutual friend said they hired someone from crookston with teaching experience of 12 years. And they are itnerviewing monday again for the second job...I think only like 2 interviews...I dont think it is many...unless I am wrong.
Anyway, so I am not totally upset I didnt get this job.....well I am....but I am more upset that they gave someone a job there who has never set foot in that school over someone who has their son it it, wh ohas worked there before, subbed, and time and time again shown dedication there. I am so beyond hurt. It goes back to let me know I wouldnt have my 5th grade job back in a letter. Just flippin dumb.
SO that being said, I am sure I will get a letter on tuedy or wednesday, but I honestly want him to call me and tell me. He wont. But I wish it. anyway , so one day I will go into his office, and ask what I did wrong in the interview and how I can help myself in the future for future interviews. Just to see what he says. I am curious. Did I not show dedication enough?????????? seriously.
Also, I am pulling devon. I am sure he will give me crap about teaching experience, and I will ask well how can I get experience if noone will hire me. But after that is said and done, I am pulling devon. he will go to St Marys. And I am done with that school.
I did apply to other schools just recently. One that I student taught in and was a cheer coach for. So maybe I can at least get an interview there. That would be nice. I dont really think and know that I will get that job......but it would be great. I could still cheer coach here and work there. It would be awesome.
Cheerleading is going fantabulous! I love it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We have camp this weekend starting tomorrow.
I dont really know what else......

CLOMID UPDATE!
So I had my follie scan on Monday, and usually follies are supposed to be 12-20 (well 20 is mature...and it would be too early for it to be a 20...but it should be close to 12 already)....mine were at a size 6. well my dr was like lets take another 5 days of clomid, and redo a scna....so bascially starting over which is exciting. Again, I honestly havent even thought much about this. But yah, we will see. I am a little nervous though cause there were 6 follies total...I am scared that now it will be really ripe....like all of them. And then he will cancel me, but I will bd anyway, and hopefully get pregnant.....I am just scared that what if I get pregnant with Multiples. I could do twins. Triplets.....eh....but more...oh my god. I dont think it would happen.....I dont think there is documented cses of more than triplets, but I am just nervous. I will just take it as it goes though. ugh gotta make lunch

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Ok So I had the interview.....and I think I honestly did sooo flippin awesome. Like I couldnt have asked for a better interview. I made sure I kept myself in check, so I didnt talk to fast or flail my hands.
The one lady who was on the commitee who kind of didnt like me the best, kept looking/almost staring at me. I am not sure if she was intrigued or what. I kept trying to send her signals from my eyes to be like...you want me!!!!!!
The other lady who I kind of thought liked me, but then I just realized that she didnt even have me sub, not one day, for her class. So she must not be the most impressed with me, and during the interview she kept not looking at me, and even kind of commented to the other lady on the side....but when the principal said that describe "me" and I said some stuff and then I said I am truly happy with life. And then he goes you will loose that as you get older, and she said jeez I hope not. So I am hoping she said that about me. Sooooooooooo
but I am annoyed because he had orginially said that he would call that night, then he said a candidate dropped, and he wanted to interview one more person still, but she just had a baby the previous night......so he said he wasnt sure when he would call or if they would fill both positions with that one interview...or just fill one and then reinterview.....I dont know and I am annoyed. I just want an answer!!! GRRRRR

clomid update.....feeling good. Headaches. Hot flashes.....weird I get more side effects now that I am done with it. Headaches are bad. I feel my body working though. Last night I was so bloated and uncomfortable. I think my belly was a bit big too. I think it is from the "extra food" that clomid gives to your follies, and it is making me bloat. Its just the extraness of it all. grrrr. Again, I dont even think I have stopped to think I am trying to get pregnant. this job thing has me stressed. If I get a cold sore....SOMEONE is going down.

Todays the day!

So tonight I have my interview. Which pisses me off because he said it wasnt going to be for another week or 2. But whatever. I am actually ok with this. He said we should find out tonight even. So....I am either going to have a FANTABULOUS 4th or an absolute hideous 4th. hmmm.....thanks said principal. And I feel positive. Just nervous. The principal always sends mixed signals. Like one minute he is saying how great a candidate I am....the next he is preaching and harping how I need to apply to other schools and that I should not be upset or discouraged if I dont get this job. So whatever. I am going to go in....I have been practicing my answers.....and I hopefully with make a great impression on the people....whom in which I know ALL of them...but whatever.
Only bad thing.....today is my last and final day of clomid...and holy crap am I feeling the headaches.....ugh! Not so much hot flashes. last night I did feel a bit hot and was like what the hell! And then I realized I took clomid. hahaha. Soemtimes I forget! isnt this strange! For once in my life....I forget I am trying to get pregnant. Seriously. I honestly forget that I take clomid in the morning. Strange. I am so worried and stressed about this job!!!!!! grrrrrrrrr. Anyway...you know I will update as soon as I can.....which I dont know when that will be....but I will try.

WISH ME LUCK!