why

why does life have to be ended so soon. Even when someone has lived a long and meaningful life. It still hurts. Why does it have to hurt. Why does everything I get in life, I have to work for. Why is everything in life so hard. Why do I have to go through so much pain in order to be happy. Why do people do things, be able to get away with and not have any kind of remorse or punishment, and yet get to go on in life getting what they want, while I sit here, constantly getting "the news", and I am just supposed to sit tight and wait. Why do I have to freaking wait for freaking everything in my lif??
Why do I have to sit and question and wonder about this in this first place??
Why am I even so jealous and even get bothered like I do about these subjects. Why can't I be hard to the core. I hate this. I hate the whys. I hate the issues. I sometimes hate life. I hate that I love life so much it hurts. Why do I have to be so compassionate.
why
thats all I want to know is why............

Hotel Stay!

First time ever with the kids in a hotel, by ourselves. The first "official" time ever was family Vaca. But this time was cool. Brent had Guards. We brought our dvd player with. It was great. A little boring, since this hotel did not have a swimming pool....and no there were no other hotels to switch too or I would have!! The funny little story though the hotel desk clerk lady kept calling me today asking when I would check out. And I was like lady, my husband is in the guard, I have two kids, no vehicle, and no where to go when I leave. They told you I can stay, so leave me alone. Well the hotel lady said I had to be out by 11 30, but Brents something in charge master sergent something or something talked to her and said I can stay until 2. Well at 2 05, she is calling me telling me what time it is. I am like I know. Needless to say she kept on calling me until we finally leave at 2 30. Whatever. Like I had control. I had no vehicle and two kids. Whatever. thats my story.
Is anyone else sad that school has alrady started? Also that Devon starts his school in like a week???? I am sad.

and life goes on...unfortunantly

brents brother passed away August 5th. On my birthday. I have spent the past two weeks spending time with my sister in law. It killed me leaving her and her three beautiful girls on sunday. I feel so overwhelmed now that I back at home. Let me explain some more. But man it kind of really breaks my heart even writing about it. He was a man who shouldnt have passed away. All because of a hontavirus caused by some stupid rodent, my brother in law is in heaven. we left to see him when he was in the hospital (he was only in the hospital for a total of 36 hours, thats how fas this went) in a sudden hurry. we werent even home from the weekend for more than 13 hours. So we werent packed, so we have to borrow and buy a ton of stuff while we were away. Which also meant that we left our house in its current status.....which is now....mold covered. eewwwww. Also coming back, we found out someone stole our lawnmower......freaking jerks. I lost my job due to decreased enrollment. I still havent found a daycare for anthony. ugh. I could go on with the things that went and are wrong. Ryan is not here. that is the most wrong with this whole life picture. While life will go on....it sucks, because we wish ryan could go on with us. I guess I will scrap and clean up all the mold, buy a new lawnmower, hopefully make up my big 25 birthday, and move on with my life, Ryan is watching over us, cheering me on, and saving me front row seats.