So I honestly have so much I am thankful for, that I dont know if I can pick only 40 things (lent is only 40 days long). Today I am thankful.....I am thankful for my Zaylee (and yes I am going to "cheat" and pick a different day for each of my kids, they are seperate aren't they! I love her more than anything. She was my baby that I prayed and prayed for. I was going to and set up to adopt this other baby girl, (again, previous posts), and that situation wasn't meant to be. Because I was meant for Zaylee and Zaylee was meant for me. And for us. She honestly completes my family. Will I have more children. Yes. I guarantee it. BUT Zaylee just makes us nice and round. it is like.....she belongs and she makes us whole. Now any other child will make a great extension onto our family. I just.....I honestly cannot describe my love for her. AND she is like any girl that I would have wished and prayed for. She loves to put on makeup, she sits still for me to paint her nails, every morning we do her hair. She loves shoes. Oh my word does this girl love shoes. She is SUCH a girly girl. I love it and man do I love her. Getting my girl was such a struggle. We lost Leah, then the other adoption didn't work and wasn't meant to be. I just, I am so grateful and happy to have gone through whatever I have gone through to get my Zaylee girl.
I see for my Zaylee girl that her and I will be close. I honestly hope that she is my only girl, and that I have boys for the rest of my children. Her and I will be close forever. I am just over the moon for my tiniest princess!!!!!!!!
Thank you GOD for my Zaylee Ann Marie!!!! I would be lost without her and I cant wait until her adoption is FINALIZED and that she can finally be baptized in your graces hopefully soon in March!!!
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Monday, February 27, 2012
Day 6
I am so thankful for my Parents. I cant even explain or express my gratitude towards them. Not only have they been there my entire life, heck they gave me life, they still continue to be here AND my kids to this day!
With Brent being gone and everything going on in my life, I know they havent always been thrilled with all my choices (fertility treatments, Brent doing guards, Brents job, etc. etc) but they have stood by me and us through everything. They were here with my boys this weekend, and they brought them to all of their kazillion games. And my parents dont know a thing about hockey, which is even more astounding that they would do this now. They just have really supported and been there for us and I know how hard it is to accept things that we have chosen to do, and I cant even thank and applaud them enough. Haha. I think anyone who is wonderful enough to put up with me is amazing!!!!!!!!
Thank you GOD for my parents. They have made me WHO I am and helped shape WHAT I am. Love you.
With Brent being gone and everything going on in my life, I know they havent always been thrilled with all my choices (fertility treatments, Brent doing guards, Brents job, etc. etc) but they have stood by me and us through everything. They were here with my boys this weekend, and they brought them to all of their kazillion games. And my parents dont know a thing about hockey, which is even more astounding that they would do this now. They just have really supported and been there for us and I know how hard it is to accept things that we have chosen to do, and I cant even thank and applaud them enough. Haha. I think anyone who is wonderful enough to put up with me is amazing!!!!!!!!
Thank you GOD for my parents. They have made me WHO I am and helped shape WHAT I am. Love you.
Day 5
I am SO thankful for my dearest and nearest friend Taryn. This is someone AGAIN I would be lost without!!!!!!!! I think.....seriously......what and where would I be without her!!!!!!!!!!!!! She lets me be me, and really out of anyone SHE knows ME. She has known me since....well....6th grade I think?!?!??! She has seen me and loved me in my ugly years, in my crazy years, in my distant years, in my bitchy years, in my depressed years. She has loved me for me this whole time and still wants to be my friend.
I can tell her anything and I know she will never not love me. I tell her my secrets and I know she wont judge. She calls or texts just to say hello and that she's thinking of me. She gets that I am busy and even if I never get back to her text or email, she knows I am still thinking of her and I love her. I just, seriously, really, I cant get enough of her! She has helped me through all my baby momma drama, and still is there today with me through it all.
Thank you GOD for my friend Taryn. My other female half I say. haha.
I love you Taryn.
Day 4
I am so grateful for Kale and Savannah. There is so much to say about this, but the reason why I picked this day in general is because Kale drove me, savannah, Zaylee and himself home from dickinson in a storm. It is so hard to look at Kale like an adult because to me, I still remember and htink of that 12 year old boy that I met. But he has really matured and grown up. He is just not who I remembered because it weird, it happened right before my eyes. But isnt that how it always is?! Kale has come up in the middle of the night before because of a mouse situation (go back in my blog about......to november to read the whole thing). He has answered all my calls when my husband cant because of his work. He has talked me through some crazy stuff (like how do I start the 4 wheeler and what am I supposed to do when my van is stuck AND the 4 wheeler is stuck). He has offered to come up I dont know many times to help me when Brent has been gone. He has taken my boys to hockey and everything. He just has helped me so much.
Savannah is also amazing in that fact that every day I am liking her more, Which seems impossible right now, because I do feel so much sister love there. At first, I have to say I was worried and had guards. I did not know if she would leave Kale, or they would break up, or whatever. I mean I kinda KNEW they would be together from the moment I had seen her and Kale together when they werent even TOGETHER in Fargo and I had just met her. Just how she looked at him then, and how he acted around her. It was just different. BUT I have been burnt before by people who I have let in and love and then they drop me like a hot potato. Again though, ever loving amy. And this time I am happy. I have not been burnt, nor do I think I ever will. We are just so much alike and have so much in common. I am just excited to be around her and cant wait till the next time we can hang out, She also has done so much for me, I seriously cant list it all. She is like 7+ months pregnant, and yet she still grabs Z to change her when my hands are full, or grabs anthony or Devon or even just to help move stuff and do stuff. I never have to ask her for help at all because she is already doing it!!! WHICH SHE SHOULDNT!!! haha, but she just makes me happy. I am glad to have known her, I am glad she is going to be officially my sister, and I am so glad she lets me into her life so much. That she trust me and relies on me. It just.....again means more to me than words. It is BEYOND words.
Thank you GOD for Kale and Savannah. I would be so lost without them. I am so happy and excited to see my newest little niece too, Vaeda, and again thank God for them for her. Thank you God for blessing my life with them. I would be lost without them. I love you guys more than words can say and I cant wait till we can only get closer!!!!!!!
Savannah is also amazing in that fact that every day I am liking her more, Which seems impossible right now, because I do feel so much sister love there. At first, I have to say I was worried and had guards. I did not know if she would leave Kale, or they would break up, or whatever. I mean I kinda KNEW they would be together from the moment I had seen her and Kale together when they werent even TOGETHER in Fargo and I had just met her. Just how she looked at him then, and how he acted around her. It was just different. BUT I have been burnt before by people who I have let in and love and then they drop me like a hot potato. Again though, ever loving amy. And this time I am happy. I have not been burnt, nor do I think I ever will. We are just so much alike and have so much in common. I am just excited to be around her and cant wait till the next time we can hang out, She also has done so much for me, I seriously cant list it all. She is like 7+ months pregnant, and yet she still grabs Z to change her when my hands are full, or grabs anthony or Devon or even just to help move stuff and do stuff. I never have to ask her for help at all because she is already doing it!!! WHICH SHE SHOULDNT!!! haha, but she just makes me happy. I am glad to have known her, I am glad she is going to be officially my sister, and I am so glad she lets me into her life so much. That she trust me and relies on me. It just.....again means more to me than words. It is BEYOND words.
Thank you GOD for Kale and Savannah. I would be so lost without them. I am so happy and excited to see my newest little niece too, Vaeda, and again thank God for them for her. Thank you God for blessing my life with them. I would be lost without them. I love you guys more than words can say and I cant wait till we can only get closer!!!!!!!
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Lent Day 3
OK so I am sucky catholic. I went to Dickinson this weekend and on the way I ordered chicken nuggets at Mcdonalds with a Diet Coke.....yum right? ummmm no! Because it is Friday and you can't eat meat and I gave up pop for lent. ugh. bad Amy. epic fail.
I will try harder though from here on out.
Ok So I am thankful today for Brent. And while I know this is an obvious answer, I am really thankful for him. I always say during our anniversaries or whatever that "thanks for putting up with my shit, but how I put up with yours is a different story". haha. It is funny. And I know that most people would not be able to put up with my shit. Come on. If you know me, I can be mouthy. I am high energy, then I can get like pretty low. I mean not like crazy low. I mean just in a funk where I am feeling sad or whatever. AND this shot isnt helping that situation that much either. I do think of how many times he has been there with me and for me through all the Drs appointments. All the shots, all the pills. Granted sometimes I wish he would be a bit more relaxed with me, but I mean, I really couldn't ask of more from a husband. I know he loves me. He trusts me, and he is willing to work with me on everything that we are struggling with. We have our stuggles, trust me!!!! We fight and whatever, but he never gives up on me. Ever.
I think back and remember the fun times we have. My favorite thought or memory of Brent is whenever we go to the lake. Just how at home he looks. He wears sunglasses and swim trunks and when he drives the boat he sometimes bites his lip a little bit. Or when he is water skiing or knee boarding. I mean...he....is just amazing. I could watch him for hours. Like a stalker. haha. I love him.
Thank you God for Brent. For a wonderful husband and dad!
I will try harder though from here on out.
Ok So I am thankful today for Brent. And while I know this is an obvious answer, I am really thankful for him. I always say during our anniversaries or whatever that "thanks for putting up with my shit, but how I put up with yours is a different story". haha. It is funny. And I know that most people would not be able to put up with my shit. Come on. If you know me, I can be mouthy. I am high energy, then I can get like pretty low. I mean not like crazy low. I mean just in a funk where I am feeling sad or whatever. AND this shot isnt helping that situation that much either. I do think of how many times he has been there with me and for me through all the Drs appointments. All the shots, all the pills. Granted sometimes I wish he would be a bit more relaxed with me, but I mean, I really couldn't ask of more from a husband. I know he loves me. He trusts me, and he is willing to work with me on everything that we are struggling with. We have our stuggles, trust me!!!! We fight and whatever, but he never gives up on me. Ever.
I think back and remember the fun times we have. My favorite thought or memory of Brent is whenever we go to the lake. Just how at home he looks. He wears sunglasses and swim trunks and when he drives the boat he sometimes bites his lip a little bit. Or when he is water skiing or knee boarding. I mean...he....is just amazing. I could watch him for hours. Like a stalker. haha. I love him.
Thank you God for Brent. For a wonderful husband and dad!
oh my life
My life has been......quite dramatic lately. Seriously it is rediculous. This week was really hard because everything was going on.
Monday I was supposed to have Devon in Grand Forks by 530, I was meeting my adoption worker at 545 at MY HOUSE, Anthony had a play date at 400 and my sister wanted to watch this show Ruby and eat pizza at 500. ok........so we need to clone myself. I actually started bawling at school infront of my co-workers/friends. Thank God again! For wonderful Manvel people who stepped up and picked up Devon/drop him off/drop Anthony off at home. Well that night came and went, not too terrible. Busy, stressful, but it worked out. Alison came out and just chilled while adoption worker was there. We signed papers to make Zaylee adoptive placed, which means we can officially file with the court to adopt her, and yah! I enjoyed pizza, a drink, and watching Ruby!!!
Tuesday night, was another horrible night. Boys had hockey scheduled, I had a game but my advisor has pnemonia so I had to take her JV. Thank gosh Alison took my kids and the boys to hockey.
During practice I punched my base (a cheerleader who supports stunts) HARD in the face with my ring hand. LIke the flyer fell, and of course, my first instict is to jump in and grab her, WHich I did and she was safe then, but my base didnt keep her body straight, she let the momentum pull her in and so when I reached in her head and my fist collided. She had a mark!!!!! ugh
So then I was running around after the game to get everything I need for my sister in laws baby shower. Low and behold I went to cash some checks and they wouldnt let me cash my check. I was lke WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so now we have that negative, plus over draft and I am trying to figure out how to buy this shit with negative money. ugh. Well thank God that worked out because I literally was scrapping every dollar I could from my van, coat, purse, and everything. I was pulling quarters out!!!!!!! I did find a gift card that a pretty good sum on it!!!!! THANK GOSH!!!!!! It saved me for even more overdrafting.
Then I get my kids at 1030. I go home, and I start driving, see the driveway is kinda full of snow, so I am getting ready to stop way out, but then all of a sudden, I am stuck. Cant move. I am like ok move kids ad groceries in the house. I try to start the four wheeler. NO LUCK> I cant get it started. I am calling brent. No answer. I am crying. Finally I like get mad and I kick it. and it starts! I must have kicked the button hahaha. So I get it out of the garage, hitting our garabge, but whatever, and I start. THEN I get the damn four wheeler stuck.
Again I am screaming and bawling. I text my brother in law and he calls and helps me get it into reverse and I continue on my merry way. I change between shoveling and moving the snow out of my driveway. And I keep trying to get the van out. NO LUCK. I try to push the van with the four wheeler. I wake devon up at 1200 to come drive so I can push. Then he drives four wheeler so I can drive and he pushes me with the 4 wheeler. I feel bad so I send him to bed. I say fuck it. I somehow maneuver the pickup into the garage so it can warm up for Wednesday....then i get locked in the damn pickup!!!! It got completely frozen because it had been sitting there for weeks. His handle doesnt owrk from the inside, and to open it you roll down the window....well it was frozen shut. I couldnt get his passanger door open because thats the side that was frozen shut because it faced in the wind.
So I sat in the pickup for like 20 minutes crying and trying to kick myself out. I did finally make it through the passenger door. Then I go to bed completely soaked and tired and sobbing.
This morning I go and grab my groceries from last night, and apparently from christmas there was this ornament that had broke and I told brent to throw it away because it broke in the bag, and no big deal, toss it out. Well he DIDNT. So when I grabbed the bags, I just grabbed, and the stupid ornament bag was stil there, so I grabbed this bag full of glass.....yep, Now my hand has cuts and glass all over it.
I am now running late. I start driving kids to daycare,......oh lucky me..NO GAS. THANK GOD I made it into our little small town gas station. I put 10 dollars I find in my other coat (SEE PEOPLE!!! Hoarding money DOES come in handy!!!! Brent always yells at me and says I need to put it in our checking instead of hiding it all over! NO! This is why I hoard....money.....not things haha)....go back into the vehicle and the DAMN HANDLE BROKE OFF!!!! HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Monday I was supposed to have Devon in Grand Forks by 530, I was meeting my adoption worker at 545 at MY HOUSE, Anthony had a play date at 400 and my sister wanted to watch this show Ruby and eat pizza at 500. ok........so we need to clone myself. I actually started bawling at school infront of my co-workers/friends. Thank God again! For wonderful Manvel people who stepped up and picked up Devon/drop him off/drop Anthony off at home. Well that night came and went, not too terrible. Busy, stressful, but it worked out. Alison came out and just chilled while adoption worker was there. We signed papers to make Zaylee adoptive placed, which means we can officially file with the court to adopt her, and yah! I enjoyed pizza, a drink, and watching Ruby!!!
Tuesday night, was another horrible night. Boys had hockey scheduled, I had a game but my advisor has pnemonia so I had to take her JV. Thank gosh Alison took my kids and the boys to hockey.
During practice I punched my base (a cheerleader who supports stunts) HARD in the face with my ring hand. LIke the flyer fell, and of course, my first instict is to jump in and grab her, WHich I did and she was safe then, but my base didnt keep her body straight, she let the momentum pull her in and so when I reached in her head and my fist collided. She had a mark!!!!! ugh
So then I was running around after the game to get everything I need for my sister in laws baby shower. Low and behold I went to cash some checks and they wouldnt let me cash my check. I was lke WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so now we have that negative, plus over draft and I am trying to figure out how to buy this shit with negative money. ugh. Well thank God that worked out because I literally was scrapping every dollar I could from my van, coat, purse, and everything. I was pulling quarters out!!!!!!! I did find a gift card that a pretty good sum on it!!!!! THANK GOSH!!!!!! It saved me for even more overdrafting.
Then I get my kids at 1030. I go home, and I start driving, see the driveway is kinda full of snow, so I am getting ready to stop way out, but then all of a sudden, I am stuck. Cant move. I am like ok move kids ad groceries in the house. I try to start the four wheeler. NO LUCK> I cant get it started. I am calling brent. No answer. I am crying. Finally I like get mad and I kick it. and it starts! I must have kicked the button hahaha. So I get it out of the garage, hitting our garabge, but whatever, and I start. THEN I get the damn four wheeler stuck.
Again I am screaming and bawling. I text my brother in law and he calls and helps me get it into reverse and I continue on my merry way. I change between shoveling and moving the snow out of my driveway. And I keep trying to get the van out. NO LUCK. I try to push the van with the four wheeler. I wake devon up at 1200 to come drive so I can push. Then he drives four wheeler so I can drive and he pushes me with the 4 wheeler. I feel bad so I send him to bed. I say fuck it. I somehow maneuver the pickup into the garage so it can warm up for Wednesday....then i get locked in the damn pickup!!!! It got completely frozen because it had been sitting there for weeks. His handle doesnt owrk from the inside, and to open it you roll down the window....well it was frozen shut. I couldnt get his passanger door open because thats the side that was frozen shut because it faced in the wind.
So I sat in the pickup for like 20 minutes crying and trying to kick myself out. I did finally make it through the passenger door. Then I go to bed completely soaked and tired and sobbing.
This morning I go and grab my groceries from last night, and apparently from christmas there was this ornament that had broke and I told brent to throw it away because it broke in the bag, and no big deal, toss it out. Well he DIDNT. So when I grabbed the bags, I just grabbed, and the stupid ornament bag was stil there, so I grabbed this bag full of glass.....yep, Now my hand has cuts and glass all over it.
I am now running late. I start driving kids to daycare,......oh lucky me..NO GAS. THANK GOD I made it into our little small town gas station. I put 10 dollars I find in my other coat (SEE PEOPLE!!! Hoarding money DOES come in handy!!!! Brent always yells at me and says I need to put it in our checking instead of hiding it all over! NO! This is why I hoard....money.....not things haha)....go back into the vehicle and the DAMN HANDLE BROKE OFF!!!! HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
After work on Wednesday I call a Manvel friend and he pulls me out (the snow had melted under the tires and then froze so I was REALLY froze in). So then I need to shovel the snow that was around/under my van....oh but lucky me 4 wheeler out of gas. Fill it up. damn fucker wont start now AGAIN!!!! I have about had it. My poor mother was texting me during this time and I am just getting mad and frustrated because again I cant call Brent and have him help me troubleshoot, and my mom, bless her heart, keeps keeps asking me dumb questions like did I turn the key. Did I put gas in. duuuhhhhhh i just did that!!!!! And now I am geting snippy. ugh, I am a horrible daughter sometimes.
Now I was running late for Ash Wednesday Mass. So I get kids to church. The whole time they are loud and talking. Zaylee falls off the kneeler and bonks her head. I mean seriously, I look like a darn circus.
Anyway get home, I DO get the 4 wheeler started (because I plugged that battery charger to it, and then I forgot it so I was panicking during church the whole time that it would over heat and start my house on fire!!! haha)
I get snow moved. Kids are in bed. I made a bunch of stuff for Savannahs baby shower. I went to bed at around 1:00 every night. I am not complaining. It was just overwhelming. But now that it is over and done, I am better and happy!
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Lent, Day 2
Now that I am back on track.....
*I am thankful for my fellow Manvel Friends
I don't know where I would be without them. I would...well still be stuck probably in the snow!!!! haha. They have been so kind and welcoming to us. From the very first time we went to church with a tiny little baby in our arms and 2 crazy boys, they have been nothing but supportive. When they found out Z was only a foster baby, they all prayed we would get to keep her. They have let Brent on so many leagues and clubs. They let him join old man hockey, even though he is not 30. They helped him in hockey last year when I was at cheer and he had tiny baby with him at practice. They are helping me so much this year now that Brent is gone and I need help. I cant even name all of the names of the people who have sent me messages or have said a kind word to me in church, on facebook, or where ever I see them. They are not people who say they will help, and then never do anything. In fact, they keep offering help, I wonder if I should make something up just so they can do something and quit asking me if I need help!!!! haha. They helped my sister when she brought the boys to hockey and helped bring Devon to boy scouts. They help when I am an idiot and forget silly things for boys. They are understanding and just amazing people.
Thank you God for amazing friends and town people. I have never in my life felt so welcomed and loved in a town before. Thank you! I am so very lucky.
*I am thankful for my fellow Manvel Friends
I don't know where I would be without them. I would...well still be stuck probably in the snow!!!! haha. They have been so kind and welcoming to us. From the very first time we went to church with a tiny little baby in our arms and 2 crazy boys, they have been nothing but supportive. When they found out Z was only a foster baby, they all prayed we would get to keep her. They have let Brent on so many leagues and clubs. They let him join old man hockey, even though he is not 30. They helped him in hockey last year when I was at cheer and he had tiny baby with him at practice. They are helping me so much this year now that Brent is gone and I need help. I cant even name all of the names of the people who have sent me messages or have said a kind word to me in church, on facebook, or where ever I see them. They are not people who say they will help, and then never do anything. In fact, they keep offering help, I wonder if I should make something up just so they can do something and quit asking me if I need help!!!! haha. They helped my sister when she brought the boys to hockey and helped bring Devon to boy scouts. They help when I am an idiot and forget silly things for boys. They are understanding and just amazing people.
Thank you God for amazing friends and town people. I have never in my life felt so welcomed and loved in a town before. Thank you! I am so very lucky.
My Lenten...um....well whatever it is called
Ok So I have decided for Lent I am going to give something up and then I am going to add something.
I gave up pop. Most people are like oh boo hoo that is not so bad. But for me it really actually is. It is a lot of self sacrifice. I like pop. I at least have a pop a day. So do give up, that is a huge sacrifice. And plus I do think it is something that is not selfish either (like giving up food...hahahah, so I can loose weight). And I am going to add a blog post everyday of something that I am thankful for. I do think this is important also because everyday I think we dont realize what we are truly grateful for. We dont realize what we HAVE. We might bitch and complain and say oh poor me (I do it too), but then really....why am I complaining. I have so much. I should be grateful.
So here is my first post for Ash Wednesday (yes....it is thursday, but whatever. Who's judging. I was busy ok!)
*I am thankful for my spirit.
I have had a horrible week. Seriously. I will post a post about in shortly. Like, it is almost movie worthy because people just cant believe me. I cant make this shit up! Anyway, I have changed yes over the years.....but I have gone through a lot and I am still a loving, kind person. I dont give up. Yes I scream and I bitch (like when the four wheeler wouldnt start after my van was stuck). But I don't give up. I keep on keeping on. I have been through so much, but I keep on keeping on. I know Brent is gone. I cant give up and lay on the couch and pout. I got my ass on the four wheeler and kept on keeping on until it did start and I plowed snow. I did it. I got my van unstuck (not by myself of course), but I still went to church. I still was kind and gently to my kids even though I was bawling and hurting in the inside (ok I was crying on the outside too). I dont give up. When I have lost babies....I never ever gave up until I became a mom.
I love my spirit. I am thankful for it. And through it all.......I am not mean and horrible. I could be snippy. I could be hateful, I could be snide and rude. But I am not. I try to be very genuine. I try to be truthful and I honestly am a very loving person. It wears on me a lot, and it makes me tired, but I love it.
So, thank you God for giving me a loving, kind, and a never give up spirit. Yes I can work on it at times, but over all, thank you granting me with this gift!!!!!!!!
I gave up pop. Most people are like oh boo hoo that is not so bad. But for me it really actually is. It is a lot of self sacrifice. I like pop. I at least have a pop a day. So do give up, that is a huge sacrifice. And plus I do think it is something that is not selfish either (like giving up food...hahahah, so I can loose weight). And I am going to add a blog post everyday of something that I am thankful for. I do think this is important also because everyday I think we dont realize what we are truly grateful for. We dont realize what we HAVE. We might bitch and complain and say oh poor me (I do it too), but then really....why am I complaining. I have so much. I should be grateful.
So here is my first post for Ash Wednesday (yes....it is thursday, but whatever. Who's judging. I was busy ok!)
*I am thankful for my spirit.
I have had a horrible week. Seriously. I will post a post about in shortly. Like, it is almost movie worthy because people just cant believe me. I cant make this shit up! Anyway, I have changed yes over the years.....but I have gone through a lot and I am still a loving, kind person. I dont give up. Yes I scream and I bitch (like when the four wheeler wouldnt start after my van was stuck). But I don't give up. I keep on keeping on. I have been through so much, but I keep on keeping on. I know Brent is gone. I cant give up and lay on the couch and pout. I got my ass on the four wheeler and kept on keeping on until it did start and I plowed snow. I did it. I got my van unstuck (not by myself of course), but I still went to church. I still was kind and gently to my kids even though I was bawling and hurting in the inside (ok I was crying on the outside too). I dont give up. When I have lost babies....I never ever gave up until I became a mom.
I love my spirit. I am thankful for it. And through it all.......I am not mean and horrible. I could be snippy. I could be hateful, I could be snide and rude. But I am not. I try to be very genuine. I try to be truthful and I honestly am a very loving person. It wears on me a lot, and it makes me tired, but I love it.
So, thank you God for giving me a loving, kind, and a never give up spirit. Yes I can work on it at times, but over all, thank you granting me with this gift!!!!!!!!
Thursday, February 9, 2012
i suck
ok this is my whiny poor me post. because I can. I am in the middle of parent teacher conferenes and I love how one parent can make you feel like shit and that you suck.
ugh I suck at teaching, I suck I suck I suck. why do I teach. I SUCK.
ok moving on. tomorrow, I will be best teacher ever.
ugh I suck at teaching, I suck I suck I suck. why do I teach. I SUCK.
ok moving on. tomorrow, I will be best teacher ever.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
little secrets everyone should know
So I was given this site, and I was reading it, and wow........thank YOU! For expressing my thoughts and words exactly. Please read first......5 secrets about our adoption.
Now.........I must talk about her secrets and ours
1. Adoption was her first choice. Everyone who knows me knows it wasn't ours, BUT it was never NOT an option. When we found out that we couldn't have kids, or I guess....when we were having so much trouble getting pregnant and staying pregnant, adoption was always an option. We just did fertility treatments first. Then, it was adoption gung-ho and full speed ahead. Also, Brent was NOT on board right away. He hated the idea, and thought we were ready. But yet we were ready to be "parents" biologically? So I forced him, yes literally! to meetings and stuff. But once he met Devon, it was game over. He was in love. IN fact I tease him cause I swear Devon is his favorite (and you parents don't you DARE say you don't have favorites. cause you're lying).
now......that I have 3 adopted kids.....I honestly really couldn't care less that I could ever get pregnant. I mean come on....I am in a size 2-3. I have NO stretch marks. My boobs are small and perky. I do not have a momma pouch (ok maybe a bit because I love my freakin chocolate and alcohol), and I did not poo in front of a bunch of people while giving birth! haha. I did not suffer hours of labor and all that jazz. Ok you know I am all teasing about this. I am not saying that people who give birth are ugly or anything!!!!!!! It is just me happy with because of what I cant have...all the positives!!!! And people who have given birth, you are so lucky to not have to go through what I have to go through! The thought of someone "taking your baby". Can you imagine that for a second??? Imagine it...now are you freaking out. You will never have to worry about that. I do and did and it has happened to me. You will never have to deal with daily momma or daddy drama. You will never wonder or worry about where your next child will come from.
Those are just my two cents on that topic.
2. AMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I DID NOT go into adoption to save the world. People tell us THANK YOU all the time because we adopted. Are you KIDDING ME! I WANT CHILDREN! I want people to give up their children if they can NOT handle it. If they CAN NOT handle the responsibility to parent (and thats ok!!!!!!), then yes! I want them to term their rights so other people who are ready CAN! I am not saving the world. I am making a family.
3. She said this so beautifully. Honestly and truly. DO NOT INTRODUCE ME AS "This is Amy with her adopted children". EXCUSE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My inlaws do this......and while I KNOW it is not meant as a harsh or cruel thing by any means....it hurts. You would not introduce someone as "This is the Smith's and their 2 kids who were (as she put it in her blog) hospitalized". My kid's adoption is a one time special occasion. To me it is just as silly as saying "Yes this is Amber's baby who was born". ok.....duh.....who cares. It is a one time event that we are happy for and excited for. Now, it is done. Do not bring it up every time I am introduced to someone. THEY ARE MY KIDS. They are my children. I do not look at them and say wow I love my adopted kids. I love my kids. Those are MY KIDS.
YES it is different if the subject or topic was brought up or talked about to be like "yes, Amy adopted 3 children." Totally different. I am VERY open about adoption. My kids know they are adopted. My middle son sees his tummy mommy every so often and Z see's her bio aunt and grandpa. I am not closed about it. I want to share my experience. I just don't want that label put on me.
4. I laughed at this one because...honesty......Brent and I have MADE money by adopting!!!! We do it through foster care, so every month they pay us, we HAVE to use WIC, and even after they are adopted they get a monthly subsidy until they are graduated from college or 21. Which ever one comes first. We get reimbursements for some of their stuff. Not that I am in this for the money, because its not like I get a ton each month, but it helps. They pay for our classes and testing and training. Finger prints, background checks, paid and done. See? I really don't shell out money for my kids. Well....minus the ELABORATE parties I keep throwing them!!!!!!!! And ok Hockey, and Boy scouts, and trips......hahhaa. You get my drift!!!!!!!!!!
5. Yes we are not selfless here people. Everyday that we had the boys and Z, I prayed EVERYDAY to have them not taken away. When we lost children, either the child or the plan of a child, we mourned, cried, and it hurt. Gosh it still hurts to this day!!!!! When we get a "call" or a plan for a possible another child (*nudge*nudge*), I am on pins and needles. Everyday I am waiting for that phone to ring. Everyday I am on edge because I NEVER know. I just never know.
Thanks always for your support!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now.........I must talk about her secrets and ours
1. Adoption was her first choice. Everyone who knows me knows it wasn't ours, BUT it was never NOT an option. When we found out that we couldn't have kids, or I guess....when we were having so much trouble getting pregnant and staying pregnant, adoption was always an option. We just did fertility treatments first. Then, it was adoption gung-ho and full speed ahead. Also, Brent was NOT on board right away. He hated the idea, and thought we were ready. But yet we were ready to be "parents" biologically? So I forced him, yes literally! to meetings and stuff. But once he met Devon, it was game over. He was in love. IN fact I tease him cause I swear Devon is his favorite (and you parents don't you DARE say you don't have favorites. cause you're lying).
now......that I have 3 adopted kids.....I honestly really couldn't care less that I could ever get pregnant. I mean come on....I am in a size 2-3. I have NO stretch marks. My boobs are small and perky. I do not have a momma pouch (ok maybe a bit because I love my freakin chocolate and alcohol), and I did not poo in front of a bunch of people while giving birth! haha. I did not suffer hours of labor and all that jazz. Ok you know I am all teasing about this. I am not saying that people who give birth are ugly or anything!!!!!!! It is just me happy with because of what I cant have...all the positives!!!! And people who have given birth, you are so lucky to not have to go through what I have to go through! The thought of someone "taking your baby". Can you imagine that for a second??? Imagine it...now are you freaking out. You will never have to worry about that. I do and did and it has happened to me. You will never have to deal with daily momma or daddy drama. You will never wonder or worry about where your next child will come from.
Those are just my two cents on that topic.
2. AMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I DID NOT go into adoption to save the world. People tell us THANK YOU all the time because we adopted. Are you KIDDING ME! I WANT CHILDREN! I want people to give up their children if they can NOT handle it. If they CAN NOT handle the responsibility to parent (and thats ok!!!!!!), then yes! I want them to term their rights so other people who are ready CAN! I am not saving the world. I am making a family.
3. She said this so beautifully. Honestly and truly. DO NOT INTRODUCE ME AS "This is Amy with her adopted children". EXCUSE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My inlaws do this......and while I KNOW it is not meant as a harsh or cruel thing by any means....it hurts. You would not introduce someone as "This is the Smith's and their 2 kids who were (as she put it in her blog) hospitalized". My kid's adoption is a one time special occasion. To me it is just as silly as saying "Yes this is Amber's baby who was born". ok.....duh.....who cares. It is a one time event that we are happy for and excited for. Now, it is done. Do not bring it up every time I am introduced to someone. THEY ARE MY KIDS. They are my children. I do not look at them and say wow I love my adopted kids. I love my kids. Those are MY KIDS.
YES it is different if the subject or topic was brought up or talked about to be like "yes, Amy adopted 3 children." Totally different. I am VERY open about adoption. My kids know they are adopted. My middle son sees his tummy mommy every so often and Z see's her bio aunt and grandpa. I am not closed about it. I want to share my experience. I just don't want that label put on me.
4. I laughed at this one because...honesty......Brent and I have MADE money by adopting!!!! We do it through foster care, so every month they pay us, we HAVE to use WIC, and even after they are adopted they get a monthly subsidy until they are graduated from college or 21. Which ever one comes first. We get reimbursements for some of their stuff. Not that I am in this for the money, because its not like I get a ton each month, but it helps. They pay for our classes and testing and training. Finger prints, background checks, paid and done. See? I really don't shell out money for my kids. Well....minus the ELABORATE parties I keep throwing them!!!!!!!! And ok Hockey, and Boy scouts, and trips......hahhaa. You get my drift!!!!!!!!!!
5. Yes we are not selfless here people. Everyday that we had the boys and Z, I prayed EVERYDAY to have them not taken away. When we lost children, either the child or the plan of a child, we mourned, cried, and it hurt. Gosh it still hurts to this day!!!!! When we get a "call" or a plan for a possible another child (*nudge*nudge*), I am on pins and needles. Everyday I am waiting for that phone to ring. Everyday I am on edge because I NEVER know. I just never know.
Thanks always for your support!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thursday, February 2, 2012
order up!!!
OK here is my recent order from Melaleuca. I am really pretty darn impressed. It's easier than going to Walmart, and it is CHEAPER!!!!!!!!!! I am going to do a price compare....its not like I have better things to do anyway!!! hahahahahahaha
***ok update**** I am too lazy to price compare EVERYTHING! But I did go to Walmart.com and I looked at every product...and I am getting a way good deal!!! weeehoo!!!!
Products Ordered
- Product
- Number:
- Qty
- Buy these Products:
- Points:
- Regular
- Price:
- Preferred Customer
- Price:
- Savings:
- 2849
- 1
- Zap-it!® Acne Defense System Pack
- 13
- $24.50
- $16.96
- $7.54
- 6682
- 1
- Sei Bella Hot Iron Prep Spray
- 11
- $25.00
- $17.00
- $8.00
- 8991
- 1
- Attain® with CraveBlocker® Shake —Milk Chocolate
- 9
- $21.50
- $14.99
- $6.51
- 8992
- 1
- Attain® with CraveBlocker® Shake —Vanilla
- 9
- $21.50
- $14.99
- $6.51
- 8993
- 1
- Attain® with CraveBlocker® Shake — Strawberry
- 9
- $21.50
- $14.99
- $6.51
- 9199
- 1
- Vitality For Life® —Blender Bottle
- 0
- $9.50
- $6.39
- $3.11
- 5026
- 1
- Lemon Brite® Hand Dishwashing Liquid—Pantry 3-pack
- 5
- $15.50
- $10.80
- $4.70
- 1221
- 1
- Direct Mist Sprayer
- 0
- $1.50
- $0.99
- $0.51
- 1215
- 1
- No Work® Mixing Spray Bottle
- 0
- $1.49
- $1.49
- $0.00
- 1214
- 1
- No Work® Daily Shower Cleaner
- 3
- $8.50
- $5.69
- $2.81
- 9212
- 1
- Sei Bella Mineral Foundation—Medium
- 12
- $30.00
- $18.00
- $12.00
- 223
- 1
- Antibacterial Liquid Soap—Pantry 3-pack (Pump sold separately)
- 10
- $21.00
- $14.47
- $6.53
- 9351
- 3
- Convenient Liquid Soap Pump for 8 fl. oz.
- 0
- $1.47
- $1.47
- $0.00
- 3748
- 1
- Renew™ Hand Wash
- Loyalty
- $10.00
- $6.99
- $10.00
- 8496
- 1
- Sustain® Sport —Raspberry Lemonade Packets
- Loyalty
- $16.00
- $10.99
- $16.00
- 4123
- 1
- Leadership In Action —February
- 0
- $0.00
- $0.00
- $0.00
- 3102
- 1
- Melaleuca Country Catalog —Spring US
- 0
- $0.00
- $0.00
- $0.00
- 3560
- 1
- Sei Bella Catalog —Spring US
- 0
- $0.00
- $0.00
- $0.00
Change your game! Be at Melaleuca Convention: May 17–19. Get the knowledge, tools and motivation you need to grow a better, stronger and more vibrant business. There’s nothing like being there. Register today, call 1-800-742-8803.
|
|
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)