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Welcome to (crazy) lady town!!!

So I had surgery on monday. It went....well...it went. Going into surgery the Dr was like this is more of an exploratory surgery, I will take care of a few adhesions, cysts, and be in and out in like 20-30 minutes. Well I ended up being in for like 2 hours. He found that I have severe Endometriosis, cysts, and growths on my uterus and ovaries. Bad news bear in lady town. Apparently he couldnt even get it all. He took care of what we could in the time that he could and then he basically just shut it down and backed out. They gave me a D&C also to help me. We need to meet on the 20th and then try to come up with a game plan of what I am going to do. Its painful and it gets in the way of my life. I never cycle, I never have a period and it HURTS so bad. I cant live like that. I am honestly scared he is going to suggest hysterectomy. WHICH I know will be last on his list because I am so young. I could see if I was 10 years older. BUT I am still only 28 and I am sorry, I will never give that hope up of getting preggo! And you know the stupid thing is....if I could JUST get pregnant, all the problems I am having right now will greatly diminish. How F'd up is that?!?!?! ugh. SO I dont know. I dont know if he will want to go in again but this time be more prepared?! WHo knows. I will update after the 20th. I just laugh cause at first he was like yep, you can go back to work Tuesday, be on your feet monday. No Problem. OH.MY.GOSH. I went to work Thursday for a half a day and had to leave. I start bleeding if I do too much. I havent been able to really get off my chair. I have been feeling dizzy and lightheaded lately. I think the whole surgery took a lot out of me. I am not sure WHY, but it did. My incisions are sore, because I keep lifting Zaylee.....WHICH I shouldnt, but she was crying and it was the middle of the night, and Brent had to work. ugh. whatever. Its hard to listen to her scream when I am the only one here.

Christmas is coming up and I am so excited!!! I cant believe it! I am so excited! Hopefully next weekend we can go as a family and get all of our shopping done, because basially we have not done anything yet!!!! oops! haha.

My family is coming this weekend and I Am so excited. I love it when my family comes together. Especially when I am not feeling the greatest, it just feels good to have my momma near by! haha.

paradise

Is the song I am listening to right now. From Coldplay.
I am literally in school, and I am partially closing my eyes and just imagining what paradise would look like. What would my life look like if it were a paradise. How would I be happy. What would happy even look like? How would I carry on my everyday. Is paradise sitting and doing nothing? Is paradise going to work and doing everyday activities? What is paradise? What would mine look like? I want to get there so bad. The problem is, I dont even know what it looks like.

I keep saying I am on my end. On my last and final straw with so many things. But everyday it changes and I always find one more smile to keep me going. One more friend that says she loves me. One more hug, or kiss. One more cheer or chant that keeps me there.

So do I put up with the bad just to enjoy the few great moments in between? And I mean this in more than one situation. I am...I just dont know. I just dont.

On a very high and positive note, I just love my kiddos. There just isnt words. really.

so I have surgery on the 5th to go in and get rid of junk in my uterus and all that dandy stuff. My ovaries are twice the normal size for ovaries to be. Which is not good. They can start turning on themselves and all that stupid stuff. There were a lot of follicles and cysts and stupid stuff. not fun. But I am hopeful that it will solve a lot of issues that I am having and hopefully, yah.
ah time crunched again. bah

just when the limit is almost reached

somehow God always gives us endurance to go more

So I went to the Dr last week, and for sure my uterus is enlarged and boggy. Yes someone actually said I had a boggy uterus. Tomorrow I will go in for an ultrasound because obviously something is wrong. Of course they get you all excited for a matter of 12 seconds by asking the "can you possibly be pregnant question". I said No, but for that 12 seconds, my mind ran. I was like Oh my gosh! This is it. the moment where they are like well here is your problem! You are pregnant!!! And I will be like WHAT! No way! And they are like YES!!!.
 Well so they made me take a test, and even by that time (like I said, it literally lasted 12 seconds) I knew it couldnt be true. I wasn't right with my "cycle". I knew I was no where near ovulating or anything like that. So Of course they were like, ugh I am sorry its negative. and I literally said Surprise Surprise.
Well anyway, so tomorrow is big day. We will find out more then. I am just grateful that they found something.

We had cheerleading competition this weekend. We got 5th, and man am I happy. We placed, which is a huge deal. We havent placed in such a long time. I am so happy. ESPECIALLY since we had to change our entire routine around at 10pm the night before. Literally. So for us to place 5th when we changed the routine 12 hours before. That shows you something. But not everyone will know that. And thats ok. I am so proud of my girls, and of course they are already talking about winter, which I will take them for the stunt off, jump off, and all around cheerleader competition. Then it is so relaxed and carefree and we just get to watch teams and just have a fun time. I am pretty excited about that. What can I say, I do love cheerleading. It just sucks that it takes SO much of my time. Brent is giving me a constant guilt trip, and I know I dont earn much from it, but good gravy, I do love it. Thank gosh for the winter we worked out a 2 day a week practice with a work out day. SO hopefully that will fix my problems with finding time to work out because it will be wednesdays and then Fridays at home hopefully. I still wish I could sneak one day in there, but we will have games at least once a week so I can sneak a workout before the cheer game.

Life is just so weird because as soon as I think I have things figured out, I dont. Something always changes it.  One minute I am happy, the next I am so besides myself, I just cant figure anything out.
How do you look past something in somebody when it bugs you to beyond your core? How do you continually forgive someone day after day. How do you constantly see their faults, but only to turn your cheek and say that's alright I still love you. I am at that point, where I just dont want to keep on doing it over and over again. But then what's the alternative? What is more choice? Be miserable and not alone or be miserable because I am lonely? Does life always have to be what I want and need it to be? What makes something just ok and just easy to deal with? How do I get there??

overrun

Right now, just right now in this second in time, I am so exhausted. I am not trying to make this a poor me post, honestly I am not. I am still just struggling with time. Z has become so clingy, and I dont know if it is because I am not home or something, but I love it that literally she wants to do it cling and cuddle and be loved. I hate being gone late.
Cheerleading has started again, and I am trying to be a great coach and try to actually think of a great schedule for cheerleading practice so that we will be somewhat of a comparison of other teams in our area. Tonight, I am not going to be home until late. I have cheer until 6, and then I need to get my nails filled. Yes that is more a vain thing, but it is literally the only thing I do to make me feel good anymore. I do not even work out anymore because Brent gives me a guilt trip, or I am just so honestly so tired at night, that I cant. So I wont get home around 7, well that is Zs bed time, and an hour later is the boys.
Tomorrow our social worker is coming out to relicense us. Thank goodness we dont have school friday, but Brent and the kids are leaving for the weekend to hunt, and that makes me so sad. I hate cheer competition on saturday. Which makes me sad. But I love competition.
I think the original plan was to drive down with the girls on the bus and then spend the night in the hotel. But I am going to try and and just drive there on saturday, then I can leave right after competition and then maybe do a little shopping or something. Who knows. At least just get home earlier than what the girls would.
Tomorrow I have my appointment with the lady dr. We will see how it goes. bah. I am nervous but in a way I am like whatever. Its not like I will get answers tomorrow anyway. They will just run tests or something stupid like that. lame sauce.
Then next weekend is my family thanksgiving at our house which will be fun and exciting. Then its real thanksgiving with brents family. Hockey starts taking over the weekdays as soon as it freezes.
ugh time to go to cheer already. sigh.

wow!

So two posts right after each other.
Today....during school, our janitor/bus driver fell, and passed away. It is just almost too much to take in. I just cant handle it. Our school has gone through so much. with loosing two students last year, a student this year.
I dont even know much more to write.

I had our team meeting for Z today. It went awesome. I know Z was so meant for us. The judge is taking away dads rights end of November. That never happens we were told today. Well, I mean it happens. But   not like this. Usually the judge makes us do this and that in court and follow this step and fill out this paper. But he ruled from the bench that they were advertising it, and done. November 28th. Done.
While there I ran into Anthonys old social worker. She said that Anthonys bm was there. She didnt say much. She admitted to distress and that she is going to jail for 4 months soon. It just....stresses me out. seriously. Here is a situation I dont want to be part of but I feel like God is putting me there. I mean she was there the EXACT same time I was. Weird.
Also again I am still thinking about cheerleading and what I should do. I love it. I hate that I have no time.

overwhelmed

with life. bah. I havent posted in over a month. Holy crap. That just blows my mind. lets see...what is going on. I am just frustrated with a lot of things right now. Feel free to read my post on my life:
1. I am sick of lady town. I honestly am. I wish I could send it to hell. Granted I cant because I am 28 years old. Noone is going to support a hysterectomy. I hate it. I bleed constantly. Sex is not enjoyable at all. I mean it is, but it hurts. Constantly. I never have a period, and when I finally do, I like bleed so heavily I am changing clothes every hour because I am soaking through jeans and pads and underwear and tampons and the whole bit. Its that bad. So I avoided an appointment for quite some time, but I figured this last time I better. But at Altru I couldnt get in until february. Ok.....I will just bleed to death them. Thats ok. So I made another appointment for NVOBGYN and then today, when my appointment was supposed to be, some lady went into labor, and I had to cancel my appoinment. But on the 8th again it is scheduled. ugh.

2. baby momma drama. Ugh. Anthonys birth-mom had the baby. Which I am fine. Truly. But when we visited, Anthony was so confused and wanted to take the baby home and he just didnt understand I feel bad, and just listening to her talking about how she is taking care of the baby....well....I mean I cant judge, but oh god. Seriously. She had a walmart bag for the diaper bag. She doesnt have a car and she sleeps with the baby on the couch at her sisters house.......not the best environment. I dont know. Whatever. Then Zs bmom is being all crazy drama. Seriously. Its horrible. Texting me/Calling me rude horrible things and writing things on facebook and its just rediculous. She needs to clue in.

3. LIfe is busy. LIke again, I am still contemplating where I can reorganize my life. I dont know. I feel like I need to spend more time with my kids and family

4. I am seriously wondering if Anthony has like ADHD or something serious like that and I need to do something about it. The adoption worker said something about it, and I am seeing it more and more as each day passes. I am like.....I DONT want him on meds or anything but I want him to listen in school, and to me, and I dont want him to be on 3's every day and on timeout. he is lucky this year because his teacher thinks he is cute and loves him as much (well almost as much) as I do.  I dont want him to struggle because a teacher hates his impulsiveness.

5. I cannot believe my babies are getting so big. Zaylee is one. Devon is 7. Anthony will be 4 soon. I seriously I am in such shock. It makes me sad. I cant believe it. I want my babies to be babies. Makes me wonder if I will ever get rid of my baby fever. I have to say I am not as baby fever as I was before ZAylee. I am just more sad. Honestly. I am sad she isnt baby anymore. Its not like I have that yearning for a baby again. Which is good! haha. I love my kids. I am not a baby collector, so I dont want 100 kids, but I do want a lot. I want a big family. haha. I dont know. Just something about it. I want them close to me. I hear about older people talking about their kids living in new york and whatever, and if my kids leave North Dakota/Minnesota area....I will die. like I.Will.Die. But we sent in our paperwork for foster care again.  I just hate that rollercoaster, and I dont want to deal with that again. I really dont. I am so over it. I am almost hoping that I dont have to deal with it again. Ya know?

I am off to google search ADHD in kids and bleedy ladytown issues. haha

What I really want....

so lately I have been feeling really thoughtful or something. I have been taking a lot of time to digress about my life and to really think about all the importance of things.

Sure I can be the best at everything......but at what price?!

I am involved in SO much and in so many things. From cheerleading, to teaching, to being a mom, to being in school, to being President of the PTO, to being part of the reading curriculum, taking librarian courses. Now you also have to include being a great sister who is matron of honor in her only sisters wedding, a devoted wife, and an awesome friend. I feel like yes, I am in so much, but what is it costing me?! Am I going to loose friends? Am I not going to be the best President that I could be? How about the best teacher and the best mom that I could and can be'????? I just worry. My kids are in hockey and cub scouts and CCD, and Zaylee will be in dance or gymnastics whenever she is old enough. Its one sport after another. There is soccer and Tball and swim lessons, and yet practicing their reading. How is there enough time for this all??? What is truly important in life?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

I was at a point seriously were I was thinking of quitting cheerleading. Then I even came to the point of, if  we add onto our family, I will quit cheerleading. BUT just the other day, I was meeting with my advisor and my other coach, and what do you know. I honestly realized and it dawned on me that I cannot quit cheerleading. So, I guess, as always, things DO happen for a reason and that the reason why things didnt work right away like they were supposed to is that I WOULD have quit cheerleading. I Do honestly think things will work out. I know it. I knew it from day one. I just need to keep all doors open.

I guess I just need to keep truckin and doing whatever I can, whenever I can do it. I dont want to live my life, without living it. Do I want to be 50 and wish I had continued cheer coaching?? I regret not trying out and doing Sioux Cheerleading. That was so dumb on my part. But again, things work out and I was meant to coach instead. And I like it. I really do.

And I do have to say brent and I have really have gotten pretty good about talking things through and getting our plan together everyday. Yah I dont spend much time with him, but we do spend time together. And I know there might not be a tomorrow, but I do need to live for today. I am happy in my life. It is funny, because I am not wanting for more....which a lot of people do!!!!!! I am wanting for less.

What could I do without though?!?!?!?! honestly......absolutely nothing. I would never ever get rid of any of my friends or my jobs or my kids. Oh my gosh. I would die. I want more kids. NOT because I am baby collector.....as someone accused me of. My heart.....is just so full. It has a capacity of that many. Our adoption worker was telling brent and I about this one couple who has 11. Yes 11!!!! And yes they are of varying ages.....but still!!! wowser!!!!!!! I dont want that many. I would love 5. 5 have always been the number of magic.

Until then, I will keep my mind and my spirit and my heart open for all sorts of possibilities in life. :0) I never know what will get thrown at me!!!!!!!

Good thing Im 28

wow. I am watching teen mom.....and wow. I still cant believe that even 2 years how selfish some of these girls are and how ridiculous these girls are. I am so flabbergasted. I know it is TV and I know you dont see everything that is going on and the real story. But wow. This is even happening in true life!!!! There are some people who are so unbelievably selfish. wow.
I mean I know Brent and I have issues. We do! We fight. I say things that I probably shouldnt once and a while. And I know I am working on that, and so is Brent. We are trying to fight fair. And I cant honestly say if Brent and I ever did get divorced, which will never happen, because honestly that is not even in our vocabulary, it would be messy and rocky probably just like Maci and Ryan. Full of hate and confrontation. I am very lucky that Brent and I do love eachother and we are grown up enough to work through all of our issues. Every couple has issues. It is how you deal with it that matters. I am just so lucky for my husband and our kids. And just the path that we have taken. We made some right decisions which have led us on a positive path with eachother and has made a huge difference for our future and our life. I am just happy is what I am trying to say. Happy and blown away by other peoples selfishness.

baby baby, where did our love go??

Dont you leave me. Dont you leave me behind....
haha. Man 2 months. Almost 2 months since I have wrote on here. Big things. And at the same time not real big things. There just isnt enough time in a day I feel like.
I am teaching 2nd grade. It is going AWESOME. I seriously love it. I hate how busy I am and how I feel like I have no time. And I am just tired.
I am still cheer coaching too. Again, busy. I am hoping to cut back the practices here a bit because, honestly, there is no need.
Zaylee girl.....well she is ours to be adopted!!! I am so excited. That is the very biggest news. Birth mom did go to court and signed away freely and willingly. I thank her for that. Birthdad did not. He is on my shit list. We had a date, National Adoption Day that she would become part of our family forever. BUT no, he was a prick and didnt show up. So now we dont think we are able to adopt her in November and make her official. And that just puts her baptism all wacky because we had that all planned, and we really dont know how we feel baptizing her before she is officially ours. I dont know. Seems like bad karma. I mean there is now way she could not be ours, but still. We did all of our meetings with the adoption worker and did all the paperwork. I love her.
Lets see. Boys are busy. School is busy. They are starting hockey soon. They start CCD. Zaylee is moved into her room...ok no she is not. But I painted it. I just need to take off the tape and wait for her curtains to come. Our tax return came. So we are super excited. We have our brand new red front door in! I am so excited. I have always wanted a red front door.
What else....my library classes are coming along. Busy, but I am ACING IT! haha. I am a mother, work a full time job, I coach cheerleading and I am going to school. I would like to challenge ANY of those people on there that complain they are too busy to finish to do their work and they are failing, etc. etc. Seriously. I know a handful that have no jobs and yet "cannot" finish their school. I am not bragging, but its called growing up and being an adult, and you know what else it is called....yah karma bitch.
What else. ummmmmm I was going to post not that long ago that I am TOO nice. That I get walked on a lot, but haha, this post probably not a good one to complain about that! I kind of had a bitchy day today. I yelled a lot at my students, I laid the smack down during library, I yelled at a cheerleader and made her cry because the lack of her responsibility, and brent just commented that I was kinda harsh today. oops. haha. must be like power trip tuesday or something.
Alright, getting knocked back down into my rightful place. No, I just feel always super good whenever I pray. I have noticed that. When I take that time and effort and I pray and I am thankful and appreciative of everything that I have. Ok not that that means I am a bitch or anything. It is like I am right in my spot. And when I say I yelled at my students......its not that I am mean. They are such a rowdy bunch. I dont know, its hard to explain. And this cheerleader has been SO irresponsible for 2 years now. It is like today I finally had the balls to say something and stand up for myself! So I pray And I just keep offering everything up to God. Then I just feel good about myself, I feel good about things in general. Last night was kind of rough because I ran over a mouse nest, babies and all, with the lawnmower.....intentionally. That was super hard for me. Super hard. I kept saying over in my head after last....what makes their life any less valuable than my own. It needed to be done, but I was just upset and sad.
Anyway, not to much else to report. We are still in the dark about that situation with our family possibly expanding. That is one thing I just keep praying on. If it happens, it happens. If it doesnt, that is ok. Honestly. I am having fun and I love my family, and if God wants it to expand.....here I am Lord. waiting. If not, then I am going to continue and spoil my princess Z and give my boys every experience that every boy could only possible wish for.
I will try and keep on here more!!!!!!! Sorry to everyone who has followed!!!!!!!!

I gotta have faith

I gotta have faith a faith a faith-a!!!!
gosh thats a good song.

And also a topic for tonight. It is so hard to trust people. Especially since if you have already been burned once. It is just hard. It is just hard in this situation right now to just give it up and let it happen. I know right....famous last words from...um......ME! I know in my heart it will work out. I know things will go the way it should. I am just nervous. I have been told that to trust. Its hard. It is just hard. But what else can I do at this point??? (besides the mounds of paper work. ugh....)

Our social worker met up with me and Z today and we were talking. It was awesome. I am so excited that on August 3rd's meeting......they are moving the goal to adoption. So it is just one more baby step towards our forever family. I am beyond elated. She also told me they were in need of a placement for a 10 year old girl. Of course I had to say no. We are just in NO place right now to have a 10 year old girl. I mean where would she sleep and it is just are family is getting bigger already, and ugh. It is just...I am not in a situation right now to raise a 10 year old. in 3 years......I would have said yes in a heart beat. But man it just kills me. I keep thinking of her. And I know all she needs is a stable home. And it just breaks my heart. I will think of her and pray for her that she finds her forever family.

So much on my mind, yet so little. Isnt that the way it is?! Oh I wish for a simpler time......but ha! Then life would be boring and then where would that put me!?
Alright Z keeps trying to push my keys.....time for me to log off.

Im at it again

ugh. I was doing so unbelievably good with panicking and worrying and whatever....no I am back at it again. It is making me a crabby person. I hate it. And it is back on this roller coaster. I cant believe how ruined I was in the past. It is ruining my future.
I need to do something.

washing sheets......

SUCKS!!!! They say you are supposed to wash your bedsheets every week to week and a half. And if you know me....you know I am a HUGE germ a phob, so I do it. And also if you know me, you know my kids, and you know messy they are. So sheet washing is a must. Z is the MASTER at getting something dirty by her drool or her spit up in like 5 minutes or less flat. She is pretty good. I am proud of my Diva.
Anthony also is the master of getting his stuff stained...even a brand new shirt we just got him and he had on less than 5 minutes to go see his tummy mommy.....yep! Stained and dirty. I even told Kendra she should be proud. Not everyone can make a baby like that. She just laughed and shook her head. haha. And man that kid drools his in his sleep. GROSS!
Devon....well he doesnt get dirty....but man does that kid SWEAT! yuck.
Anyway....so sheets getting washed at my house is a must. BUT IT SUCKS!!! Seriously. Its like a day long process! Because first you have to make it into the kids room. Then you need to throw the 20 teddy bears, and the 6 blankets, and then the comforter onto the floor. Then you find about 10 pairs of missing pajamas and maybe a toy or two. With anthony its a hockey or snowmoboile magazine, and with Z its her pacifiers.
THEN you need to "undo" all the pillow cases and the sheets. Then literally pull the blanket from the kids arms when they have a stage 5 meltdown about their blanket being washed (ok.....maybe thats just Anthony). Then haul it to the laundry room. Sort. Then because I am a HUGE germ a phob, throw in some Oxi tablets to ensure all gross little body germs are now killed by killing oxygen power.
So then hit the bedsheet button on my super huge and super cool washer. Done. 5 hours later (it doesnt take that long, but! it does have a disinfector and extra spin cycle and whatever, but because I forgot about it!) Then you have to haul the wet heaviness over to the dryer (ok so like the 6 inches....but whatever!!!). THAT takes forever to dry because it gets all tangled in the silly bedsheets. And so every 45 minutes when it beeps and your like YES! oh no.....do another round because the sensor didnt sense the wet sheet inside the massive dinosaur comforter.
Well then you have to tangle with putting the darn sheets BACK ON!!!!! And seriously....crib mattresses.....are the WORST!!!! Seriously. YOu have to take off the entire bumper practically! Then you got the darn mobile in the way.....and Z has two because she is a diva. So you have to fandangle your way around all this stuff. Then you have to tie the bumper back on.....and then retie because the bows arent cute. And in the boys room its putting the 50 million teddy bears and pillow pets and whatever else they NEED to sleep with.
Dont forget messing with my darn huge down comforter and down pillows that brent deems absolutely necessary for us to have.
Washing sheets......yah......I need a drink now. It is a huge ordeal.
At least we can lay our heads down each night on a clean and yummy smelling pillow and we can rest assure no little yucky body bugs will gets us. So now I sit back and relax.....until next week.........

The dog days

ugh....when are these dog days going to be over?!?!?! So it has been like hell here recently. Just like this week. The temp is ridiculous hot. Muggy hot. Horrible. So the kids cant play outside. In fact, along with my hell, Anthony has been sick, and I honestly wonder if its from a heat stroke or heat exhaustion or something. He was throwing up, fever, and not eating really. We went to the lake on Sunday after our family reunion on Brent's side. and then on Monday we mowed the lawn. And now last night I was just feeling so incredibly not well at all. So I was thinking back at what I drank....and um coffee.....ice tea....and wine. Not really the best when you are dripping with sweat from mowing lawn literally all day. So I am still really stuffed up and not feeling the best today too, but hopefully with more water I will feel better. I also haven't been able to work out this week at all and of course that doesn't make me feel good. I don't have that extra "Oomph".

 Z has been teething too and ugh. That sucks. Her top teeth are literally right there. You can see them. Like the white under the gum. Thats how close they are. They are literally right there, I want to just reach in and rub my finger or my nail around the gum to break the gum so the tooth can finally get through. Poor baby. She wont let me touch them at all, I even try and put a lot of Orajel on them and give her tylenol. It is so bad I could about give her an IV of tylenol. haha.

She is getting so big. She is moving her body like over to get herself int hat crawling position. She is babbling more. She says MOMMA MOMMA a lot when she is mad. She is just so interactive with the boys, its unreal. She has this little dolly in a stroller....and she LOVES that stroller thing. It is so funny. I was all worried that she wouldnt like dolls or anything because of her brothers, but she really honestly loves holding her babies and playing with her dollys. Usually she screams at them and throws them across the room.....but whatever works!

I have been trying to take pictures to keep on top of the kids and their growing! I need to get a lot better at that. My kids are growing so fast right before my eyes.

The "ranch" is coming along. It is so frustrating sometimes, because we still have NOT gotten our tax return, so we cant do a lot. And with me.....I want things done NOW!!!! I want to plant flowers. I want the rock done, I want my house to look nice. I want my new front door on. But there is only so much we can do. Physically and financially.

I cant believe this summer is literally almost done. We have 2 more days this week, one more week, and then its August. To me....August is when summer is done because I am literally going to be in school. I am going to be getting my room ready, and then school WILL start. I am getting anxious and scared all the same. I am scared that all these years I have talked the talk. I have told people over and over again what would work for good classroom management, what should a good classroom look like, and how my students would excel. Now I need to follow through. Its a bit scary. But I KNOW I can do it. I am so beyond excited. I cant wait to get in that classroom and prove to everyone after all these years I can do it. I am a awesome teacher.

SO for my thoughtful thoughts today....Family......We spent time with family....and it is so weird. We always get SO excited thinking about seeing our family. We get there....and after a while we are like OH MY GOD I NEED TO GO HOME NOW! Or we just get annoyed or something. But its not like we are annoyed by our family!!!! We are more annoyed that it isnt our house. We cant do our thing. We feel like we are someone elses schedule. I dont know. It is just weird. Then when it is time to leave, its like oh sad!!!! Then the cycle starts all over. I was thinking and pondering why......well....my mini thought for the day.....if we truly loved being in "someone" elses house so much....we would never leave. If you loved being with your parents that much or your sister or your brother....you would never leave. You would never venture out and make that family or your house "your own". You would always be living through someone else. This is probably making more sense in my head that it is on this post. I think also thats the best thing about family too though, even if and when we do get annoyed or frustrated or whatever the case.....they are family. They will always be there. They will always accept you. Even in my fangdangled family where I have more dynamics that a freaking soap opera..........I still spend time with them. I still talk with all of them. Not like I call and say HEY! But at get togethers, I am cordial and nice. I dont know....thats family.

ps....I love making up with old long lost friends. Seriously. It makes my heart soar.

speaking of family and making my heart soar......our family will be changing soon. Hopefully. I will probably not say to much at this point. Its a pretty for sure thing, but I always get nervous. I have been burnt before, so I dont want to think or do anything to jinx myself. haha. But lets just say.....well...you will say....Amy Lynn....what the hell are you thinking! haha. But its a good thing. Honest. :0)

Take me for what I am

who I was meant to be......

haha. I am totally in a Rent kick right now. which ps....if anyone reading this has NOT seen Rent....SHAME ON YOU! And go see it right now. It is my favorite movie. Besides Rocksbury. ANYWAY,
so Brent FINALLY is release from flood duty for the 4th time this year. Sad thing I wont see him until tomorrow because he went to Hettinger to sell fireworks. Anyway...my point on my post today is that I love my husband.

Brent was gone a lot this spring/summer. He left mid April. Was gone almost 30 days, then home for like a week or 2, got activated again, gone a week and a half about, back for like a week, and then gone for another week or so. I dont know my times exactly. But it was like he has home for maybe like 3 weeks total since April. I have gotten so used to him being gone. The kids and I, we super got into a routine. I am so used to being a single mother. In fact, and this sounds super bad, when he came back for the first time, I was super annoyed. We had our routine set and was living it for almost a month, and then here he comes back and literally interupts it. I like things clean, he doesnt. I like to orderlly, he doesnt. I love things planned and scheduled, he doesnt. So see where it was super hard going back to having him here? I know the kids. I know what they like, what they dont, what they eat, when they sleep, which signs show that they are sleepy, crabby, whatever. When Z makes certain noises, I know what she wants. He doesnt. It annoyed me when he was telling me something about Anthony and I was like....no....actually he is just tired. And with Z, its like..no...she doesnt want to be held right now she wants to be put down. Look at her body language, And with Devon..no he never eats Ketchup on anything so quit asking him to put it on his food because he doesnt like it but will eventually just accept it because he feels like he should. So that annoyed me. It was hard. And then as soon as we got into the rhythm of things again, he would leave. This happened 3 times. So it is annoying when at night at this certain time, I watch a show, have a drink, go to bed. I have my rituals. He doesnt partake.

Anyway.........but it is this last time that he was gone, I really began to realize. Of course I can make it on my own. Of course I can do this. But do I want to? It's like.......why would I want to do my daily schedule and routine if I have noone to share it with. This last time is when I realized how much Brent really does mean to me. It is nice to have the house clean....but it sucks when nobody can say the house looks great dear. It is no fun to dance around the kitchen with the kids laughing at you when I dont have anyone to grab me and try to kiss me while I wiggle out of his arms, pretending to be annoyed. We can all make it. We truly have the capability to do so. It's just......this stretch has made me appreciate that the little stupid annoying things that Brent does do.....thats him. I love him for him, as annoying as THAT is. haha.

I am pretty sure my garden is not going to grow very well. I have some corn popping up. My onions, and maybe a strawberry or two. I dont know, maybe it is too early. For depressing. Awe well...next year though we will put the garden above ground with black dirt.

As of thursday, that pretty much marks the countdown to the end of summer. We are busy literally every weekend and during the week I am home with the kids and running here and there and all around. Good times though. I am excited to be in my classroom and getting that up and ready to go.

I had my super good friend taryn come and spend the weekend with me this past weekend. It just felt amazing to talk about good old times, but its like it lingered on it. It is just amazing to see the growth in the friendship and the person, and I honestly dont even have words. I had an amazing time.

*I look before I leap, I love margins and discipline. I make lists in my sleep, baby WHATS my SIN! I never quit, I follow through, I hate mess but I LOVE YOU! What to do with my impromptu baby?*  (now go watch Rent!)

Live and let die......

sigh.....why does every good thing come to an end? Why is there death? Why are there "endings"?

Well....duh amy, I am not an idiot, and I am a true and firm believer that you need something of pain or of hurt in order to experience the good and the happiness. How can you be happy or know what "happy" is if you have never hurt? How can you never have a friend if you have not experienced enemies? How can you experience of the joy of something new and birth if you cant endure the pain of death and of ending?

Living "on the ranch" (which by the way ....I still dont know what I am calling my place. It is NOT a farm.  But is it a ranch? What classifies something as a ranch??? I dunno.....what do you call a place that is almost 8 acres, but no animals....well unless you call 2 hooligans and a princess animals.....no "outside structures (meaning barns or whatever", but just a giant house a 2 stall garage? And dont forget the beat down ford in our yard and an attempt at a garden. And a trampoline and a huge playground......oh and dont forget our ponds.....yeah not really.....they are where the stupid water doesnt drain properly so we have like 3 ponds on our property.....gross.)

point aside....We had a nest with 4 eggs. remember when I mowed the lawn and a momma bird attacked me? Well we were checking and 2 babies hatched!!!!! But like 2 days later, they are gone, mom is no where to be found, and there still lays 2 eggs....unhatched. abandoned. This...just makes me sad. I cant handle death. And like killing things......I cant stand it. Why do we get the priority in our lives to make it ok to go out and shoot stuff? Why? Why do we get to say that animals are "less" than what we are so we can shoot them? Ok ok ok....now before I get a bunch of haters and people calling me PETA. I DO eat meat. I love meat. I KNOW we need to hunt deer. I know we need to control the population of certain species because their predators are more scarce then they are (which....caused by "us".....just saying....). Anyway, I know the reason. My husband hunts. My boys hunt. They have guns. My inlaws hunt. I support them.........but I just cant handle it. I have a hard time. Even killing little bastards of mice that go into my house......I hate it. I mean its like the mouse was like "hehe....I am going to get that Amy and walk all over her house! hehe". No, they were just trying to find a home for themselves and their families. Isn't that what we are all trying to do? but does that mean I am going to let every fly, spider, mouse, or whatever the hell live in my house.......hells no. I just.......really struggle with it. I do. Its hard.
But again, it's not going to stop me from enjoying a big juicy steak either......I just cant think about it........

I also hate the endings of things. I still really struggle with endings of relationships. It just kills me. There is one that I am thinking about in particular and it truly just kills me and makes me upset. But what can I do about it.....I have tried. I know, I am not innocent in the fizzle either....I could have played a more reactive role and been a better participant in our friendship.......but it doesnt make my hurt any less and I am not saying she might not be hurting either. I wonder.....how far is something gone before you can try and revive it again??? My super really good friend who I literally talk to all day long everyday, we were so close and then we fizzled out in college, but now just recently....like middle last year....started talking again, and ha! Its amazing. I love it. I love her. and I love our friendship. I would be nothing without her. Everyday she helps me with little struggles and getting me through the hills and the rollercoaster that comes with being a foster mommy and a mommy and a wife. And that relationship was "brought back together"....so does that mean I can get back together with that other friend, or is it too far gone?  How far gone is gone???????

There was something else I was going to write about and now I forgot........
oh! Tiny princess pea....ugh....my heart just hurts......she got her first owie and I feel so seriously terribly bad I could just cry. We were outside playing a bit, just to get some fresh air, and I needed to pick up toys because we needed to mow the lawn, so I put her in one of those push cars or whatever that you need to move with your feet so its an open bottom. Well I kind of wasnt even thinking completely, and she was enjoying herself being pushed a little bit here and there and moving. She was such a princess in her convertible. Well then anthony decided he wanted to push her, and he was doing good, But then he went and pushed her and he jerked it too much where she kind of went forward, and so she ended up like kneeling down in that little opening, and of course I freaked out, and she was just fine, but now she has a little scrap on her knee, and I feel so horrible. She cried a little bit, probably more because I freaked out and screamed and grabbed her. But then as soon as I was holding her, she was just fine. And she didnt even bleed or anything. It just a scruff up, but ugh. It just hurts my heart. And it doesnt help that she hasnt been feeling good these past 2 days. ugh. sad sad day.

On a slightly positive note.....I signed my contract for my teaching job today!!!! woohoo. I am so pumped. Only 5 more days of summer school, and then I have a month really of summer, and then in AUgust I have vacation and need to get busy with school! Wow, time flies by too fast.

Summer Lovin....

Happened so fast!
Oh man I love summer. Bum deal though, its almost the end of June, and we really havent even had summer weather! A few days, but other than that, its been so cloudy and windy and really quite yuck!
So I think my plans to get a pool this year is kaboshed. It makes me sad, but really what else can I do? I figure, June is almost done. Then we have July then comes August. (yah! I know my months!) July we are gone for the first week because of fireworks. In that time we will probably only get a handful of times to really swim. Come august we have our family vacation, then school starts, and I will literally be bringing the kids to my classroom with me to get stuff done! I have so much to do in a short amount of time. Then once AUgust is here and come, then school is in session and we dont have time for a pool because we will need to start taking it down. SO this year.....sadly......no pool. :0( major let down. Major sad day. BUT next year.

Speaking of next year....WE STILL HAVE NOT got our stupid tax credit check!!! ugh. Once we get that, it is going to make a huge difference in our lives. ugh. Is all I can say.

Yesterday I was reading a caringbridge site for some old friends that we worked with and Brent played softball with. Anyway, their little boy, when they went to pick him up from daycare one day back in October, they found him in his playpen blue and not breathing. They thought they were going to loose him and he has come a long way since thank to medical intervention and everything, but wow. Last night just reading the journal updates and seeing a little clip of him. I wanted to cry. This little boy has made such huge leaps and bounds, but he still he such a long road ahead of him. And my heart just breaks for the family, because there is literally so little they can do and they are dealing with everything emotional with this, and then dealing with financially trying to help their son with a nurse and all the meds. It's just.......wow. It really makes you step back and realize....yah....I DO have a lot of problems and a lot I need to deal with in my life, but man just being able to go to work and not wondering if today my kid will need to be rushed to the ER or thinking and worrying about insurance or how many times my child will throw up/ have a seizure today. wow. Honestly....I dont know how this family does it. I know we each take our own cross and we bear it. It's just what we do. We take our life, and thats what we have to do. wow. So if you are reading this, please send that family a prayer or two to make sure their little guy continues on the road to recovery and that their family continues the way they are now.

And in ending this blog post....a little letter.....

Dear Tornadoes,
Listen, I know I have a super cool house. I get it. And now that we have a trampoline and a playground....it is even more awesome. Yes I am aware of this........but....if you dont mind not "dropping by" all the time.....I would appreciate that. I mean....even you taking a "little peek" in your funnel cloud of yours......yah....Im not liking that so much either. The bizzo rain you keep bringing along with.... it is making huge holes in my garden. At least wait till I get some darn gutters on my house so I dont have holes around my house.
Thanks friend. Much appreciated.....lets just stick to facebook next time.....

Sincerely yours......
Amy Lynn

Green Acres is the place to be....

farm living is the life for me!
Ok not really.......but I do have to say, as I am driving home and just being in the town of good ol M.anvel........I love love love the feeling. I drive home, and barely anyone is on my road. Even the road that I turn on to go by my house......the only people who drive that road are me, and my neighbors because nobody else lives there! So if you see a suspicious car......it makes you go hmmmmmm....and that rarely ever happens, so I feel totally safe with my kids! I know they can ride bike in our driveway and I know they will be safe. I still do not let them on the road because of the tractors and stuff from my neighbor. My neighbor to my left in a farmer.....and the field is to my right (they live on my left......and their field is like behind their house, my house (I actually own 2 acres in which they farm), and then the other neighbors house and then it pushes still past that house......and their entrance into their field is by the other neighbors house so they have to drive past both of our houses to get to that entrance point. So going on the road on their bikes is a HUGE nono in my book. When youre in a big tractor, I highly doubt they can see a little 4 year old on a huffy. But anyway, they are so good about it. We drive home, and Anthony goes....Oh look theres Star! (the other neighbors horse). And it is just the feeling that you get. All the tractors are out. And when they are coming in from the field....yah it's kinda annoying having to pass them all....but they pull over and they wave, and they are just all so friendly! In town......well I dont really call M.anvel town....I still call GF town, so when I am going "to town" that means GF. But in M.anvel......people are driving around in their go carts and their golf carts. It just makes sense. The whole town pretty much participates in sports, so at TBall last night it was like everyone was there. It was a great time. Everyone is just so friendly and laid back almost.
I do love it. I was doing yard work with the kids yesterday, and it was a lot of work to even finish up some mowing and to move some things to the back of the house and everything to make things look good. The garden is a lot of work because I was trying to water it, and of course stupid little things would happen, like the hose would kink or this or that, so I would have to run back up to the house, fix it, then run ALL the way back to the garden. THEN to realize still something needed to be "done" so I would have to run back up to the house. sigh. AND of course, peanut and anthony REFUSED to let me leave them, so I put them in the jogging stroller, and so when I was running back and forth to the house to the garden, I had to push the darn stroller. ugh. But whatever. I got it done.

I am so sore though. Literally, I have ran now for so long and I have never felt this sore. I was running 5 miles and never felt this sore. I was lifting weights almost daily, and never felt this sore. And all I was doing were "chores". It does put a different perspective on things. I am grateful for where we live and I am glad that the kids will grow up in a calm peaceful environment. Granted, I make it crazy sometimes because I feel like things need to BE DONE NOW! But this is truly helping me, because then I am even realizing that I need and HAVE to take baby steps. I cant have everything done now. It was easier before in our little house. I could get the lawn mowed in 20 minutes. I had the yard sprayed in 10. Now.......it took me 45 minutes to push mow around the house and the deck where the rider cant reach. I look at the yard now, and I am like HOLY SHIT! I almost need to mow again!!!!! So I need to think of a game plan. I cant waste 6 hours mowing every week. I am thinking maybe like do half the yard this week, then the other half next week, and then I will be on a every other week schedule. Because now this weekend the playground is going up (hopefully) so that is just more area to push mow around.

haha. I laugh at how I pictured my life. Honestly. I KNEW I would be rich, and all manicured and done up and have a big house and everything. hahaha. Look at me now. My nails are ugly. My hair is probably atrocious. Its frizzy from the sun. I am breaking out in some kind of I dont know like on my chest and arms. haha. Maybe too much hard work! haha. No I am wondering if its the sun. BUT at least.....I have my big house. I love love LOVE our house. I love our yard. I am getting so nice and tan, and I am staying super skinny because of all the hard work and not having time to eat! Granted I am a single mom right now, and will be until July. BUT I love my babies. I am not rich, but I have money in the bank (enough for me to get S.tarbucks everyday I do go into town. hehe). I dont know. I am blessed. I am very happy. I have family and friends who are helping me out MEGA time when Brent is gone and I super appreciate it! I am happy. I really really and I would change it for the world......even if there are STUPID birds probably nesting in my garage....and I cant get them out!!!! ahhhhhh.

HOney I love you, but give me park avenue!

Ugh, Seriously, this country living business is driving me insane!!!

Brent is gone for flood duty in Bismarck, so that means I have to do the "chores" myself. This past week I had to mow the lawn. And trust me, that was epic. First it took me for literally fricking forever to get the damn lawnmower started!!!!! I know that makes me sounds like I am an idiot, but it was so complicated!!!! You have to put it in neutral or something dumb, and then push some other button. Then turn the key, and then once you have it started, you need to like push this black thing back in......so complicated. So then I was moving lawn, Not bad. I got majority of the house...ok....like 1/3 of it mowed, and then it started to get tricky. I then had to mow in the back where the sump pump hoses were so I had to constantly yell at Devon (no not because he was in trouble, so he could hear me over the mower) to move the hose this way or that way. Then to even get his attention I had to clap my hands way high over my head. I looked like an idiot. Well then I was mowing, and then pretty soon.....I was like half tire deep in water that still hasnt gone down by the shelter belt!!!! I seriously thought I was going to get stuck! But luckily I made it through. Devon was a great help. Then I got about half the house done. Then it started to get more troublesome. I was mowing by the "shit pile". This is where we have some concrete piled and old telephone poles. Anyway, a momma bird started attacking me!!! I was like what the hell!!!!! Well I then see this nest with eggs in it!!!! So ok, momma bird was freaking out. So then I had to make sure I was directing the lawn mower the correct way so the grass was not shooting out at her. Then I would yell, "its ok ma! I am not gonna hurt your babes!!" each time I passed. And for some reason...this seemed to pacify her.

During this time I almost got the lawn mower stuck in a pile of mud! Luckily I was able to rock it out. Then I go and try to mow part of the ditches. I knew I couldnt get it all because they are VERY slanty. So I made one swipe on the top......with me leaning WAY to one direction. I could just see myself rolling this thing. haha. Then made a couple swipes on the bottom. I had to be very creative because I hate having my body touch grass and trees or whatever, so I had to swing my legs this way and that, and then lift them high in the air because I was not going to let ditch grass or trees touch me. Well on one of the passes I see out of the corner of my eye three hand sized "somethings" run up the ditch in the high grass. So I proceed to scream.....at the top of my lungs......for a whole swipe. Thank Gosh I am in the country or people would think I was dying because I continued to scream. I turned the mower around to maybe hopefully run the damn things over (because I thought they were rats or something).....well here then three little baby......DUCKS.......came out of the grass. Black baby ducks waddling in front of the mower. THEN I started to scream because I felt so bad!!!!!!! I almost ran over tiny little babies!!!!!!!!!! I finished up that ditch, and worked on the other ditch. The other ditch was less epic, but I did get some of it mowed. All in all.....it took me about 8 hours to mow my yard. Yes in that time I had to run into town and get the kids, serve them a quick sandwich, and have some cuddle time......so maybe it took me about 6 hours. I was literally so drained and so tired after that, I could have died.

Fast forward now to today....the kids went to their grandparents this weekend, so I am by myself. Today I decided to plant the garden. That was crazy. ugh. The tiller was awesome and thank God for that!!! But it was SO heavy and it was so hard to maneuver. My hands still just hurt!! I have calluses! My nails are all ruined. I have dirt under my nails! And I even wore my cute rubber black and white boots!!!!!! ugh. Anyway, so I got it all tilled......and it ended up being bigger than what we had meant to because I couldnt control the tiller as well as I thought. SO Instead of a simple garden......Amy now has a massive 30X17 foot garden. yaaaaaahhhhhh folks I might have a lot of produce....BUT stupid thing is was that by the time I am planting my stuff....I realized something horrible......our soil is very "clayish". It was horrible. I wanted to cry. Its not like the wonderful black soil I had when I lived at chestnut. We had the wonderful Red River Valley soil. Wonderful. NOW............shit....I dont know if anything will grow honestly. But I tried. I planted lots of goodies...........2 different kinds of beans, 2 different kinds of lettuce, strawberries, mint, dill, asparagus, spinach, corn, potatoes, pumpkins, sunflowers, marigolds (yes they are in my garden), peppers, carrots, rhubarb, basil, and cucumbers, oh and tomatoes. SO yah, we have a very large garden. I just dont know if it will grow. Luckily majority of my produce are already plants and not seeds, so hopefully that will help! I will keep you posted.

But again, I am just tired. I am exhausted. I am tired and I am lonely. I want my kids back already. I had taken out hamburger to make the kids hamburgers, but they wont even be here for supper. I am just so sad. Anyway, thats ok. Moving on.

Speaking of moving on......noticed something?? Yep. It is back to being public. I have hidden a bunch of my old posts from my "previous life experiences". Some things are just better left unsaid. :0) Anyway, I dont have much more to say about that anymore. But I am excited to start sharing my experiences again!!

This is for Taryn

alright Taryn, this is for you. I am super stressed out, and she told me to write on my blog.
So I am pondering what the FUNNIEST thing ever is to make me laugh and get my mind off of my issues. Which folks, yes I have more than one! haha.

Alright.......this isnt the most funniest thing (ugh, my grammar!) BUT it was pretty darn scary funny, (see I am already laughing outloud thinking about this!!!!!)

In like Junior or Senior year, has to be junior.........we went to a homecoming game. It was Heidi, Taryn, maybe Therese, and me. Well we were at the game, pep band and all, and then we left. Well Taryn was driving. It was her dads....something or another. Like big car. Like an SUV, but not an SUV. ya know what I mean (Gosh I am an idiot!). Well we leave, and Taryns dad was (is) a HUGE fan of the Vikings. I mean like HUGE!!!!!!!! He even had the flags on the back window ya know?? That are SO STUPID they are secured properly. Oh no, they are just in there by just rolling up the window on the flags stupid little hook!!!! So guess what.....when some idiot goes and unrolls the window to yell probably obscenities at a pass-er-by-er, guess what happens......the FLAG FALLS OUT!!!!!!!!

yep that idiot would be me. I rolled down the window, and of course the flag falls out. I scream, which causes Taryn to scream, and everyone else to scream, and instead of being rational, and just giving me a second to open the door and grab the flag, she drives off!!!!! But we are all panicking now cause this flag is in the middle of the pretty busy road!!! I KNOW Scott would notice a missing flag on his right side of the vehicle. So I am like hyperventilating thinking of all the lies I could tell him. Then I think maybe I can give him a couple of bucks, smile cute, and say sorry! But I am SO worried, and we are all screaming and everyone is screaming at me and asking why I would roll down the window in the first place, being it was cold, and I am covering my ears saying I DONT KNOOOOWWW!!!!!! Finally Taryn pulls over, and we go run to the side of the road where we can blatantly see the, so far, uninjured flag. WHEW!!!! Already 20 or so some cars had to have drove around it. All I could picture was me running out, grabbing the flag in victory, placing it neatly on the window where it belonged, minus a few tire marks, and no one would be the wiser. I JUST need the light to turn red. green still...come on! come on!!!! ok like 5 more cars drive "around it". Still safe. I am still golden......YELLOW....COME ON!!!!!! Heres my chance.....as I step off the curb....(yep folks, you guessed it.....too much forshadowing for you huh?!).......A flipping LAST CAR who NEEDED to sneak by that last milisecond of "yellow" left......DROVE OVER THE DARNED FLAG!!!!!!!! LIke crushing the little plastic shelf into pieces. I thought I would crumble onto the road....I would have too if the opposite direction was now not green and a ton of cars were streaming towards me!!!
I wanted to cry. I dont like to dissapoint people, and now I was so afraid Taryns dad would exhile me forever. I already had gotten yelled at on previous ocsassions for being loud at night......come one......3am is the PERFECT time to practice/learn cheers!!!
So I sadly got into the vehicle, and asked Taryn where I could get her dad another one, and she was like well...they are very hard to find and pretty sure he didnt get them in town. True That. I never did see them around town. sad day. I was so scared to tell Scott. I honestly cant remember how he was told, or if the second he saw us come "home" he saw it or what. I just remember bowing my head in amazing disgrace and mumbling, I am sorry Scott I broke your flag. Of course he smiled and was like No Big deal just be careful or whatever. I wanted to tell them tell him how stupid they were anyway, but I figured I better not push my luck and go on eating my pancakes without mumbling another word...or practice cheers at 3am in the morning ever again.

but nobody ever said anything about singing Rent songs.......................

beauty school dropout

haha. I never finished my post! So I was also a beauty school drop out. I was 2 classes short......actually I only needed 1 more class.....2 if I would have WANTED to learn how to do nails. But it was either start fall as a beautician or start fall as a teacher. I chose teaching. look at where I am now. HAHA just kidding. I love teaching. I am glad I chose it.

Anyway, other funny story, Heidi and Taryn would appareciate this.......
why you ask???
um do the words SCANDIA HOUSE ring a bell. (see! I am already laughing!! and I know you are too!!!)

ok so those who dont know, my friend Heidi's parents opened this seriously awesome shop called Scandia House. It was a floral, import, and coffee shop. Seriously........you would walk in and seriously be like in a different world. It had the feel of a different country (well duh. Paivi, Heidi's mother, is from Finland, so all the stuff in the shop was from European countries/regions. Even the floral design had that European feel, which I didn't even realize until I went to Germany). ANYWAY. So many stories, so little time. hahaha

This is how (thanks a lot guys......)I got started on my coffee addiction! I DESPISED coffee before this. Seriously. But working in a COFFEE shop, I was advised I better at least pretend I like it, or at least know what I am talking about when it comes to lattes, cappuccinos, and so forth. So Paivi would even tell me in little giggles how her mother would give her a bottle with drops of coffee in it....which at first I was like OH AHAHA!......but as time progressed....I think she was telling me the truth! So Heidi taught me the art of drinking milk with a SPLASH of espresso. Then it was half a shot, Then a whole shot.....before you know it folks....I was drinking a full fledged double sugar free vanilla latte with ease....AND enjoyment. And now......I HAVE to have one everyday or I turn into the wicked witch of the west.
Thanks guys. ;0)

Anyway, being small town M.innesota.......we would get so many walks of life in there. There was this older lady.....she would walk in the door.....and the first words out of her mouth would be.......IS YOUR MUTHA HERE!!!!!!! and it would SO loud and obnoxious and annoying and grating. Seriously. And it wouldn't matter if it were me, Taryn, or Heidi that she were talking to. It was the same question. Then if she was........she would stay for hours and use the restroom.....no....not use.......she DESTROYED the restroom. I am talking full out RUINED the bathroom. I would dread seeing her walk in because that means ONE of us would have to clean up after her, or it would be bad business, obviously, to have this beautiful shop....with a DESTROYED POO FILLED BATHROOM! ugh. I am cringing now at the memory. The it was she would ask if the Swedish calendar was in (no), and then she would mingle around the shop, touching everything.......THEN she would order a cherry italian soda (YUM right?!!?), no cream(ok weird....but some people do it), but wait.....NO ICE (Yah! YUUUUCK). So then she would sit right in the middle of the shop and SUCK down her italian soda, and just sit there. Sometimes mumbling incoherent things to us, which we would stop our obvious conversation going on, look at her, smile and say..yah..........and then look at each....and then pray she would just get up and leave already.

Then you get the people who would come in and be like I want a cappuccino. So you would make them one right? THEY ORDERED one!!! But they get it and be like "what is this?!?! This isnt a cappuccino! Its all foam!" Which at this point you are like you IDIOT! Thats what a Cap is!!!!!!!!! READ THE DESCRIPTION N THE HUGE WHITE BOARD THE SIZE OF A PERSON RIGHT NEXT TO  YOU! So then you would have to apologize like an idiot, and remake them a LATTE! and endure their dumbass looks accusing ME of being a dumbass.

Then you get the Hoity Toity people, thats what my mother and I call them, who would come in. I actually liked them. They would order a sandwich and a drink and sit at the table with friends and talk. I pictured myself being there when I was their age (back then it was *old*. Honestly now I am think I AM their age!!!!). They were always friendly and made my job worth while.

OH! Lets not forget the one customer who is solely responsible for my tattoo!!! hahaha. He would come in daily (oh back story first......he opened up a tattoo shop like literally next to the shop. Having an import shop in our town was "different enough"......now a TATTOO parlor! Oh yah, and not to mention right next to each other!!! It was big! haha) all tatted up and he was big and muscley and strong and handsome and whatever. Everything I had pictured myself NOT to ever be attracted to! (and in retrospect....I dont htink he was THAT attractive....it was just Amy being stupid in lust again! Yah I think I probably thought at one point that "we were meant to be together too"! haha). He would always tease with me, probably very inappropriate because I was only 17, and he KNEW that cause he wanted to "tat" me. Anyway, I would tease back and say yes when I am 18 he can "tat" me. Occasionally I would give him a free drink here and there. What else was I supposed to do! So the day came when I turned 18, sure enough.....I went in there. I didnt tell ANYBODY. Except Lisa. I had to have someone with me because I was chicken shit. So I went in, and got it done! Just because I thought he was hot. But I love my tattoo. I dont regret it. I actually want more. My husband is just anti-it for some stupid reason.

Oh there are SO many stories about Good Old Scandia. Like of how us girls would SPEND HOURS, seriously you think i am LYING, no HOURS AND HOURS organizing that place. We would clean all the syrup bottles, organize all the paperwork, and card, and cleaned up the attic. Oh my gosh. Seriously!!!! And literally....I SWEAR I am not lying......the NEXT time I would came back to work....which was the next day because even if I didnt work, Heidi or Taryn did, so OF COURSE I needed my free latte (courtesy of my friends hehe), and talk! AND I SWEAR TO GOD IT LOOKED LIKE NOBODY EVEN TOUCH IT!!!! or the finger of God came down and swept it all aside. Or a Tornado came in and threw everything in mad chaos. Sometimes I wondered if Paivi enjoyed messing up our long hours spent cleaning up the shop.

I could go on for hours. I loved that shop so much. It was literally another home for me. I loved Paivi (still do!) and Steve so much. They always treated (and still do!) like another daughter, and I loved that shop. I loved the feeling, the atmosphere, and just the plain customer service that Paivi always gave people. You will never ever find someone as unique and wonderful as her. I wish that place could still be open (they moved to be near their daughter/son-in-law and granddaughter and have different jobs...no not Heidi. The older one.) That place is/was everything I dream of now.

and never ever will I forget our
shhhhlutty shhhhundays at ssssscadia houshhhhhhh (HAHAHAHA)

(it was a sunday and literally heidi and dressed so slutty to go to work. I dont know why! But we did!!! Short skirts, dark makeup, High poofy hair! yah.....good times!)

more funny business

Ok time for more Amy funny stories. I need to get my mind off of worrying again! hahaha.

Ok first a short funny.......well maybe it isnt so funny, more like, Amy you are stupid

in High School, my freshman and sophmore year I took early bird classes. Which means school for me started at like 7 instead of 8. Well then by my junior and senior year, I was "ahead" of people credit wise, and I only needed to take 1 class technically at the high school. And well because they couldnt actually ALLOW that, I could college credits. Well I chose Cosmetology. SO I would go to school in the am, do band and german. Get an hour off then go to Cosmo school at 12 and then be there until 3. Well, in cosmo school....which was really dumb.....you could ONLY get breaks if you smoked. I dont know why they were so "pro smoking". Maybe cause the teachers actually smoked. Who knows. Anyway, I first felt like a dumbass because I was one of the only high schoolers there (my friend Therese did it for a while and so did an acquaintance Melissa, but they didn't last), so they teased me calling me baby....like a cute nickname I guess. And then when they all left for smoke breaks, I was pretty much left alone. Well I wanted to join and be cool and whatever, so I tried to smoke. This is where I get dumb. Like my first time, they even asked, Amy you smoke? Me trying to be cool would be like "oh yah....I hide it from my old woman (which oh my god, I would NEVER call my mother that. I dont know why I felt the need to be transformed and talk like the people in the..what....80s?!?!), and trying to sound so 80 rocker. Well I literally about died, because no one told me NOT to inhale the first time. I tried to pull it off like I had a cold or something. But hey, at least I got my break in. Well the next day I figured, dangit I NEED to do this. I need my break. So I figured, its all state of mind right?!?! So Instead of going with the "80's wannabe's" I went with the "shabby sheek" group who were like, "Oh my GAWD did you see her HAIR DAWWWWWling?!?!" "AH! KISSES!!!!" They were kind of more like my attitude anyway. So I tried one of their long slim lady fingers or whatever their cigarette was called. This was better, because it wasnt a harsh Marlboro, but it still KILLED!  So I tried for maybe the week popping into different "cliques", trying to find the group that had the least "harsh" cigarette.
FINALLY light bulb clicked in....maybe when I finally realized how yucky my teeth would be, or how hard it would be to stunt if I cant BREATHE, or the fact my mother and father would flippin CREAM my butt all the way from here to mexico if they found out I was smoking, and honestly....I DID NOT see 1 joy in smoking!!! At all. So I finally gave up. I was a quitter. Makes me laugh, because some of those girls were trying so hard to quit, and here I was trying so hard to START!!!!!!
So instead of going out to smoke breaks, I would stay inside, literally by myself. And practice braiding my mannequins hair.
And that friends...is how come I can braid like 4 different styles of braids in like 2 minutes or less. Seriously. I am an excellent braider. AND I have white teeth, I can breathe, my lungs are pink and healthy, and my momma is proud of me.....well at least I think she is :0)