so lately I have been feeling really thoughtful or something. I have been taking a lot of time to digress about my life and to really think about all the importance of things.
Sure I can be the best at everything......but at what price?!
I am involved in SO much and in so many things. From cheerleading, to teaching, to being a mom, to being in school, to being President of the PTO, to being part of the reading curriculum, taking librarian courses. Now you also have to include being a great sister who is matron of honor in her only sisters wedding, a devoted wife, and an awesome friend. I feel like yes, I am in so much, but what is it costing me?! Am I going to loose friends? Am I not going to be the best President that I could be? How about the best teacher and the best mom that I could and can be'????? I just worry. My kids are in hockey and cub scouts and CCD, and Zaylee will be in dance or gymnastics whenever she is old enough. Its one sport after another. There is soccer and Tball and swim lessons, and yet practicing their reading. How is there enough time for this all??? What is truly important in life?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
I was at a point seriously were I was thinking of quitting cheerleading. Then I even came to the point of, if we add onto our family, I will quit cheerleading. BUT just the other day, I was meeting with my advisor and my other coach, and what do you know. I honestly realized and it dawned on me that I cannot quit cheerleading. So, I guess, as always, things DO happen for a reason and that the reason why things didnt work right away like they were supposed to is that I WOULD have quit cheerleading. I Do honestly think things will work out. I know it. I knew it from day one. I just need to keep all doors open.
I guess I just need to keep truckin and doing whatever I can, whenever I can do it. I dont want to live my life, without living it. Do I want to be 50 and wish I had continued cheer coaching?? I regret not trying out and doing Sioux Cheerleading. That was so dumb on my part. But again, things work out and I was meant to coach instead. And I like it. I really do.
And I do have to say brent and I have really have gotten pretty good about talking things through and getting our plan together everyday. Yah I dont spend much time with him, but we do spend time together. And I know there might not be a tomorrow, but I do need to live for today. I am happy in my life. It is funny, because I am not wanting for more....which a lot of people do!!!!!! I am wanting for less.
What could I do without though?!?!?!?! honestly......absolutely nothing. I would never ever get rid of any of my friends or my jobs or my kids. Oh my gosh. I would die. I want more kids. NOT because I am baby collector.....as someone accused me of. My heart.....is just so full. It has a capacity of that many. Our adoption worker was telling brent and I about this one couple who has 11. Yes 11!!!! And yes they are of varying ages.....but still!!! wowser!!!!!!! I dont want that many. I would love 5. 5 have always been the number of magic.
Until then, I will keep my mind and my spirit and my heart open for all sorts of possibilities in life. :0) I never know what will get thrown at me!!!!!!!
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Good thing Im 28
wow. I am watching teen mom.....and wow. I still cant believe that even 2 years how selfish some of these girls are and how ridiculous these girls are. I am so flabbergasted. I know it is TV and I know you dont see everything that is going on and the real story. But wow. This is even happening in true life!!!! There are some people who are so unbelievably selfish. wow.
I mean I know Brent and I have issues. We do! We fight. I say things that I probably shouldnt once and a while. And I know I am working on that, and so is Brent. We are trying to fight fair. And I cant honestly say if Brent and I ever did get divorced, which will never happen, because honestly that is not even in our vocabulary, it would be messy and rocky probably just like Maci and Ryan. Full of hate and confrontation. I am very lucky that Brent and I do love eachother and we are grown up enough to work through all of our issues. Every couple has issues. It is how you deal with it that matters. I am just so lucky for my husband and our kids. And just the path that we have taken. We made some right decisions which have led us on a positive path with eachother and has made a huge difference for our future and our life. I am just happy is what I am trying to say. Happy and blown away by other peoples selfishness.
I mean I know Brent and I have issues. We do! We fight. I say things that I probably shouldnt once and a while. And I know I am working on that, and so is Brent. We are trying to fight fair. And I cant honestly say if Brent and I ever did get divorced, which will never happen, because honestly that is not even in our vocabulary, it would be messy and rocky probably just like Maci and Ryan. Full of hate and confrontation. I am very lucky that Brent and I do love eachother and we are grown up enough to work through all of our issues. Every couple has issues. It is how you deal with it that matters. I am just so lucky for my husband and our kids. And just the path that we have taken. We made some right decisions which have led us on a positive path with eachother and has made a huge difference for our future and our life. I am just happy is what I am trying to say. Happy and blown away by other peoples selfishness.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
baby baby, where did our love go??
Dont you leave me. Dont you leave me behind....
haha. Man 2 months. Almost 2 months since I have wrote on here. Big things. And at the same time not real big things. There just isnt enough time in a day I feel like.
I am teaching 2nd grade. It is going AWESOME. I seriously love it. I hate how busy I am and how I feel like I have no time. And I am just tired.
I am still cheer coaching too. Again, busy. I am hoping to cut back the practices here a bit because, honestly, there is no need.
Zaylee girl.....well she is ours to be adopted!!! I am so excited. That is the very biggest news. Birth mom did go to court and signed away freely and willingly. I thank her for that. Birthdad did not. He is on my shit list. We had a date, National Adoption Day that she would become part of our family forever. BUT no, he was a prick and didnt show up. So now we dont think we are able to adopt her in November and make her official. And that just puts her baptism all wacky because we had that all planned, and we really dont know how we feel baptizing her before she is officially ours. I dont know. Seems like bad karma. I mean there is now way she could not be ours, but still. We did all of our meetings with the adoption worker and did all the paperwork. I love her.
Lets see. Boys are busy. School is busy. They are starting hockey soon. They start CCD. Zaylee is moved into her room...ok no she is not. But I painted it. I just need to take off the tape and wait for her curtains to come. Our tax return came. So we are super excited. We have our brand new red front door in! I am so excited. I have always wanted a red front door.
What else....my library classes are coming along. Busy, but I am ACING IT! haha. I am a mother, work a full time job, I coach cheerleading and I am going to school. I would like to challenge ANY of those people on there that complain they are too busy to finish to do their work and they are failing, etc. etc. Seriously. I know a handful that have no jobs and yet "cannot" finish their school. I am not bragging, but its called growing up and being an adult, and you know what else it is called....yah karma bitch.
What else. ummmmmm I was going to post not that long ago that I am TOO nice. That I get walked on a lot, but haha, this post probably not a good one to complain about that! I kind of had a bitchy day today. I yelled a lot at my students, I laid the smack down during library, I yelled at a cheerleader and made her cry because the lack of her responsibility, and brent just commented that I was kinda harsh today. oops. haha. must be like power trip tuesday or something.
Alright, getting knocked back down into my rightful place. No, I just feel always super good whenever I pray. I have noticed that. When I take that time and effort and I pray and I am thankful and appreciative of everything that I have. Ok not that that means I am a bitch or anything. It is like I am right in my spot. And when I say I yelled at my students......its not that I am mean. They are such a rowdy bunch. I dont know, its hard to explain. And this cheerleader has been SO irresponsible for 2 years now. It is like today I finally had the balls to say something and stand up for myself! So I pray And I just keep offering everything up to God. Then I just feel good about myself, I feel good about things in general. Last night was kind of rough because I ran over a mouse nest, babies and all, with the lawnmower.....intentionally. That was super hard for me. Super hard. I kept saying over in my head after last....what makes their life any less valuable than my own. It needed to be done, but I was just upset and sad.
Anyway, not to much else to report. We are still in the dark about that situation with our family possibly expanding. That is one thing I just keep praying on. If it happens, it happens. If it doesnt, that is ok. Honestly. I am having fun and I love my family, and if God wants it to expand.....here I am Lord. waiting. If not, then I am going to continue and spoil my princess Z and give my boys every experience that every boy could only possible wish for.
I will try and keep on here more!!!!!!! Sorry to everyone who has followed!!!!!!!!
haha. Man 2 months. Almost 2 months since I have wrote on here. Big things. And at the same time not real big things. There just isnt enough time in a day I feel like.
I am teaching 2nd grade. It is going AWESOME. I seriously love it. I hate how busy I am and how I feel like I have no time. And I am just tired.
I am still cheer coaching too. Again, busy. I am hoping to cut back the practices here a bit because, honestly, there is no need.
Zaylee girl.....well she is ours to be adopted!!! I am so excited. That is the very biggest news. Birth mom did go to court and signed away freely and willingly. I thank her for that. Birthdad did not. He is on my shit list. We had a date, National Adoption Day that she would become part of our family forever. BUT no, he was a prick and didnt show up. So now we dont think we are able to adopt her in November and make her official. And that just puts her baptism all wacky because we had that all planned, and we really dont know how we feel baptizing her before she is officially ours. I dont know. Seems like bad karma. I mean there is now way she could not be ours, but still. We did all of our meetings with the adoption worker and did all the paperwork. I love her.
Lets see. Boys are busy. School is busy. They are starting hockey soon. They start CCD. Zaylee is moved into her room...ok no she is not. But I painted it. I just need to take off the tape and wait for her curtains to come. Our tax return came. So we are super excited. We have our brand new red front door in! I am so excited. I have always wanted a red front door.
What else....my library classes are coming along. Busy, but I am ACING IT! haha. I am a mother, work a full time job, I coach cheerleading and I am going to school. I would like to challenge ANY of those people on there that complain they are too busy to finish to do their work and they are failing, etc. etc. Seriously. I know a handful that have no jobs and yet "cannot" finish their school. I am not bragging, but its called growing up and being an adult, and you know what else it is called....yah karma bitch.
What else. ummmmmm I was going to post not that long ago that I am TOO nice. That I get walked on a lot, but haha, this post probably not a good one to complain about that! I kind of had a bitchy day today. I yelled a lot at my students, I laid the smack down during library, I yelled at a cheerleader and made her cry because the lack of her responsibility, and brent just commented that I was kinda harsh today. oops. haha. must be like power trip tuesday or something.
Alright, getting knocked back down into my rightful place. No, I just feel always super good whenever I pray. I have noticed that. When I take that time and effort and I pray and I am thankful and appreciative of everything that I have. Ok not that that means I am a bitch or anything. It is like I am right in my spot. And when I say I yelled at my students......its not that I am mean. They are such a rowdy bunch. I dont know, its hard to explain. And this cheerleader has been SO irresponsible for 2 years now. It is like today I finally had the balls to say something and stand up for myself! So I pray And I just keep offering everything up to God. Then I just feel good about myself, I feel good about things in general. Last night was kind of rough because I ran over a mouse nest, babies and all, with the lawnmower.....intentionally. That was super hard for me. Super hard. I kept saying over in my head after last....what makes their life any less valuable than my own. It needed to be done, but I was just upset and sad.
Anyway, not to much else to report. We are still in the dark about that situation with our family possibly expanding. That is one thing I just keep praying on. If it happens, it happens. If it doesnt, that is ok. Honestly. I am having fun and I love my family, and if God wants it to expand.....here I am Lord. waiting. If not, then I am going to continue and spoil my princess Z and give my boys every experience that every boy could only possible wish for.
I will try and keep on here more!!!!!!! Sorry to everyone who has followed!!!!!!!!
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